What Women Really Mean
(A Dictionary For Men)

If you're a man.....you'll need this page.

If you're male and recently married, read and memorize.

If you are male and work with women or have the goal of dating them.....keep this page close by.

I've been married to my High School Sweetheart for right at 33 years now.

Women have a way of speaking in code part of the time.

This page should help you decipher what women really mean.

Use it and share it with a guy who will need it.

This video should be called:
"The Women's Dictionary For Men."

49 and holding.

An utterance upon running directly into a spider web first thing in the morning - and you don't know where the spider is.

Slept with all your friends.

An act you put on when pulled over for speeding.

All We're Going To Buy Is A Soap Dish.
It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

You hang something in your closet for awhile and it shrinks two sizes!

Are You A Player?
I find you interesting.

Are You Listening To Me?
Too late, you're dead.

A discussion that occurs when you're right, and continues until he realizes it.

No boobs.

Average Looking

Balance The Checkbook
To go to the cash machine and hit "inquire."

You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up—for the dinner he made for his friends

Pathological liar

Be Romantic, Turn Out The Lights.
I have flabby thighs.

Blonde Jokes
Jokes short enough for men to understand.

Call Me On Thursday Night To Confirm The Date.
You’re my backup plan. I will probably not go out with you.

Gotta get married in a church.

You go through 36 hours of contractions. He holds your hand and says, "focus...breathe...push...."

Clothes Dryer
An appliance designed to eat socks.

Contagious Smile
Does a lot of pills.

Diet Soda
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

Something you think should be on your finger but he can only see in a baseball park.

Do I Look Fat In This Dress?
We haven't had a fight in a while.

Do What You Want
You will pay for this later!

Do You Like Me?
I like you.

Do You Like This Recipe?
It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.

Do You Love Me?
I'm going to ask for something expensive.

Don't Worry About It, I Got It
The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself.

Emotionally Secure
On medication.

The last two minutes of a football game.

Walking up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Female that is Fat.

I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.

Five Minutes
If getting dressed, this means half an hour.

Free Spirit
A junkie.

Friendship First
A former slut.



Give Me Your Number Instead.
So I can show it to my friends and tell them how disgusted I am. Of course I will never call.

Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission. (Don't Do It!)
Do what you want because I don’t care.

Grocery List
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store.

Hair Dresser
A magician who creates a hair style you can never duplicate.

Hang The Picture There
NO, I mean hang it there!

Hardware Store
Similar to a black hole in space: once he goes in, he isn't coming out any time soon.

Work around the house including moping and washing dishes.

How Much Do You Love Me?
I did something today you're really not going to like.

I Am Not Upset
Of course I am upset, you moron!

I Am Sorry
You'll be sorry!

I Am Tired.
I don’t want sex right now.

I Don’t Like Mindgames.
But I play them.

I Don't Really Mind Where We Eat
As long as it's the place I've already decided on.

I Don’t Want To Ruin Our Friendship.
I don’t want to have to stop telling you about all the guys I am seeing.

I Don't Want To Talk About It.
Go away, I'm still building up steam.

I Heard A Noise
I noticed you were almost asleep.

I Just Need Some Space.
Without you in it.

I Like Honesty.
Tell me what I want to hear.

I Like You, But…
No, I don’t like you. Leave me alone.

Here's another installment of:
"The Women's Dictionary For Men 2"

I Need Wedding Shoes
The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.

I Want A Guy Who’s A Good Communicator.
I want a guy who’s a real man and won’t be afraid to bust my mind games.

I Want A Sexy Man.
I want a man who can make ME feel sexy.

I Want New Curtains
And carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

I Would Rather Focus On My Career.
You’re even more boring than my job.

I'll Be Ready In A Minute.
Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

I’ll Think About It.
No, I will never go out with you.

I'm Just Going Out With The Girls.
We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.

I'm Just So Busy With Work Right Now.
" I am not interested in fitting you into my schedule.

I'm Not Emotional! And I'm Not Overreacting!
I'm on my period.

I'm Not Yelling!
Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

I'm Sorry
You'll be sorry.

Is My Butt Fat?
Tell me I'm beautiful.

It’s The Thought That Counts.
This is the last time you will get a chance to blow it on my gift.

It’s Your Decision
The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Large Frame
Hugely fat.

Let’s Be Friends
I don’t like you romantically. So screw off.

Let’s Chill For A Little While.
Let’s break up.

Let’s See Where It Goes.
It’s not going anywhere.

On your lips, a color to enhance your beauty of your mouth. On his collar, a color only a tramp would wear.

Loud Sigh
Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about "Nothing."


New Age
Body hair in the wrong places.


The calm before the storm. This means "Something" and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with "Nothing" usually end with "Fine."

Nothing, Really.
It's just that you're such a jerk.

Of Course I Love You.
Just not that way.

This word followed by any statement is trouble.
Example; “Oh, let me get that”. Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night”. If she says “Oh” before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is “Fine” when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. “Oh” as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows “Go ahead” followed by acts so unspeakable that I can’t bring myself to write about them.

Oh, No, I Will Pay For Myself
I am just being nice; there is no way I am going dutch.


Our Values Have Changed.
I cannot change you, so goodbye.

Loud and embarrassing.

Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning "a place with a swing set and slide".

Sloppy drunk.

The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Please Do
This is not a statement, it is an offer.
A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.

One who is depressive.

A real bitch.

Reason To Smile
Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.


Size Doesn't Matter.
Unless I want an orgasm.

So Are We Together?
Please. Ask me to be your girlfriend now.

So Why Did You Breakup With Your Girlfriend?
What’s wrong with you?

Soft Sigh
Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.

Sorry, I Don’t Have A Phone.
I don’t want to give you my phone number you freak.

Sure, Go Ahead
You better not even think about it!

Thanks A Lot
This is much different than “Thanks”. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing”.

That's Okay
She wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you'll pay for your mistake.
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow “Go Ahead”. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Any part under a car's hood.

This Kitchen Is So Inconvenient
I want a new house.

Uh Huh
Did you just speak?

Very fat.

Wants Soul Mate

Valentine's Day
A day when you dream of a candle light dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card.

Victoria's Secret
The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.

Was That The Baby?
Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

Waterproof Mascara
Mascara that comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but not when you try to remove it.

We Are In A Transitional Stage.
It’s over.

We Have Chemistry.
I really like him.

We Need
I want to complain! You're in trouble!

We Need To Communicate Better.
You need to agree with me more.

We’re Too Different.
The door is that way.

What Do You Think Of?
Do I have competition?


Would You Like To?
I want to NOW.


You Have To Learn To Communicate.
Just agree with me.

You Want
You want.

You Wouldn’t Understand.
I don’t understand either, but I won’t admit it.

You're ... So Manly
You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're Very Attentive Tonight
Is sex all you ever think about?

The number of times you ask someone to take out the trash, then end up doing it yourself.

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