Ways to Annoy People

I remember Bill Cosby talking about mother's who were giving birth. He asked the question,, "Why would mother's need to take classes and train to do something Naturally?"

So, what is relevant in this situation?

Aren't we fully capable of annoying people without being taught how to do it?

I'm absolutely certain that each of us has traits even unknown to us that annoy somebody.

The purpose of this page is to give you plenty of ideas to pull from when you may have the need arise to annoy somebody.

Exclaim in a crowded theater, "No, I won't touch you there for a dollar! No, not two dollars, either!"

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."

After somebody finishes telling a joke, say in a very grave tone, "My brother (sister/mother/father) died that way."

Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."

On the bus, try to engage somebody in a conversation about genital warts.

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

At a movie theater, unwrap a candy bar as loudly as is humanly possible, preferably during dialogue.

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."

Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Sculpt your hedges into anatomically suggestive shapes.

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Stare at static on the tv and claim you can see a "magic picture".

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

Turn on somebody's radio up all the way and turn their windshield wipers on while the car is off.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.

Walk into a store that has a sign that says, "Have a penny? Give a penny! Need a penny? Take a penny!" with a HUGE jar of pennies. Take a penny out of the cup, put it into your jar, and walk out.

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

Ask an artist, "It's not finished yet, is it?"

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Pretend you don't understand what they're saying, no matter how much they yell and how slowly they say it.

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

When somebody asks, "Do you have the time?" reply, "Yeah."

Staple pages in the middle of the page.

Put your face really close to theirs while they're facing a different direction, tap them on the shoulder, and watch them jump when they turn to face you.

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.

Yell across a crowded room to them: "Hey, John, the results came back from the V.D. clinic: we're clean!"

Honk and wave to strangers.

Pull up alongside somebody while driving on the freeway, and gesture violently, indicating that they should pull over immediately. When they pull over, just continue driving.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.

Tell someone, "Man, your hands smell bad!" When they try to smell their hand, smack it so it hits their face. This one can also be performed with a piece of pie. When they lean down to smell the pie, grab the back of their head and smoosh it into the pie.


Solo Build It!Leave the following message on someone's answering machine: "Sir, we're not sure if you wanted us to do it, you know, after what happened, so, well, we went ahead and did it anyway. If you don't like it, we can probably take it out, but we'll have to charge you extra. Please return this call immediately. Thanks."

type only in lowercase.

Pay for a tube of toothpaste with a check at the supermarket.

dont use any punctuation either

When they're about half way through with it, remove one piece from the box of a jigsaw puzzle, and throw it away.

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

Call a house at random, and ask for Gary. When they tell you that there's no Gary there, call again a little while later. Do this at intervals about four times. Finally, when they're fuming and about to scream bloody murder, call a fifth time, and say, "Hi, this is Gary. Are there any messages for me?"

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.

Take a deck of cards, and say, "Okay, I'm gonna do a magic trick." Ask the person to pick any card, and put it anywhere in the deck. After they have shuffled the deck thoroughly, take the deck back. Ask, "What was your card?" When they tell you, say, "Not only has your card magically come to the top of the deck, but it has also magically turned into..." Pick up the top card, look at it, and name it.

"Never mind, it's gone now."

Cut out an article or section of the newspaper before someone else has had a chance to read it.

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Send a letter with twenty-two two cent stamps.

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

When someone asks, "Are there any questions?" ask, "Where do babies come from?"

Ask people what gender they are.

Change all the preset stations on their car radio tuner to classical and country/western stations.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Many telephone answering machines have two digit passwords for retrieving messages and that kind of thing, and often times, the default on many models is 25, which people don't bother to change. This is an excellent way to hack answering machines, or, if this doesn't work, it's not that hard to try all 100 combinations. Regardless, once you've hacked the machine, a fun thing to do is to change the message. This is supremely annoying.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Adjust the tint on your tv so that all the people are green, andinsist to others that you "like it that way".

Sing along at the opera.

Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook.

Step on the backs of their heels while they're walking.

Sign someone up on a junk mail list.

Tell somebody that's wearing velcro shoes or slip-ons that their shoelaces are untied.

Take a wire, and stick it all the way through a cigar or cigarette. Let the ash get really long, and pretend you don't notice everybody staring at it, waiting for it to fall.

Hide the remote control.

When somebody is talking very excitedly at a restaurant, pick up their plate, hand it to them, and nod gravely. Wait for them to notice and wonder why they are holding their plate.

Crack all your knuckles. A lot of people can't stand fingers, and I know some people who have almost fainted upon the cracking of the neck.

Slurp your soup or your breakfast cereal.

Tap the person on the shoulder continuously, and when you havetheir attention, just continue tapping them on the shoulder.

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