|
Tuba JokesTuba Jokes never "bottom out" when competing against the jokes of the other members of the brass family. I've known many tuba players in my life. They are all a great bunch of unique personalities.
One of my favorite stories is when I stopped this tuba player from coming in with a blast since he had the wrong song pulled on his stand. The actual number was tacet for him since it was a very quiet piece for flute and strings. Dan Perantoni, Professor of Tuba at Indiana University A symphony was performing Beethoven's 9th in a park one afternoon, but it was so windy that the musicians had to tie their music to the stands. When the tubas finished playing their part in movement 1, they decided, since they had 2 movements of rests, to sneak off to the pub across the street. So they sat in the pub, downed a few, and listened to the orchestra. When they heard the pickups to their part they threw money on the counter and stumbled into the street. They could barely keep from falling over as they ran to pick up their tubas, but even worse, they couldn't untie the music. They were pulling and tugging but the string was so tight that they fell over from the effort. Just then, the conductor looked back and thought, "Oh lord, it's the bottom of the 9th, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded!"
A tuba is much larger than its name.
____________________ A tuba player died and went to heaven. There he met St.Peter who gave him the finest selection of tubas ever. After he selected one St. Peter told him that rehearsal for the Angel Band was in five minutes. When he had finished warming up God stepped on the podium dressed in a late 1800's Marine's uniform. Being a Sousa fan, he was very upset over this. He promptly asked the person next to him, pointing at the podium, "Who does he think he is John Philip Sousa?" The man misunderstanding where the tuba player was pointing, said, "No, that is Stephen Collins Foster, Sousa is sitting in with the saxophones today."
Dan Anderson, Professor of Jazz Bass and Tuba at Columbia College
A young child returned from his first music lesson on the tuba. An orchestra is rehearsing a piece in which the tuba has a solo after 84 bars rest. At the point where the tuba should start the solo, nothing happens. So, the conductor stops and asks the tuba player why he didn't play. ____________________
Four cowboys are sitting on a mountain one night having a few cold ones around a campfire, one a trumpet player, one a horn player, one a conductor and the other a tuba player. Hey, did you hear about the tuba player who finished high school? Skip Gray, Professor of Tuba at the University of Kentucky
How do you get a tubist to stop playing? How do you get a Tuba to sound like a French horn? How do you get a tuba player out of a tree? How do you get the viola section to sound like the tuba section? How do you fix a broken tuba? 
____________________ How do you keep a tuba player in suspense? How do you raise the town's IQ? 
____________________ How do you tune two tubas? How many times does a tuba player laugh at a joke? How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb? Jerry Young, Professor of Tuba at the University of Wisconsin
How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb? How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb? How many tubas does it take to change a light bulb? How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb? Knock Knock Knock Knock One day Timmy came home from school very excited...
THE BRASS: There are two tuba players sitting in a car. Who's driving?
Two guys were sitting next to each other on a plane, and one says to the other, "Hey I've got a great joke about a tuba. Want to hear it?" Two notes on a tuba. One is Bb. The other isn't.
Two tuba players are walking past a bar... (Well, it could happen!)
Tuba Player: "Did you hear my last recital?" Tubas Horoscope: If you play this "umpa, umpa" then you are most likely to be like the bass clarinets. Out-going, "wild" and open minded. Congratulations, you've strived to be different in this world. Not only that but if you play this monstrosity of a horn then you are probably in good shape. As far as your enemies I would say it would be the entire woodwind section, because it is your mission and goal in life to over play them in band. But of course the bass clarinets and saxophones love you because you share the same mission.
What did the tuba player get on his test? What do you call a tuba player with a pager and a cell phone? What do you call it when a tuba falls out of a building and lands on a little kid? What do you call it when a tuba falls out of a building and lands on a military officer? What do you call 2,000 tubas laying at the bottom of the ocean floor? What do you do if you run over a tuba player? What do you get when you cross a tuba player and a goal post? What do you get when you toss a tuba down a mine shaft? What do you never say about a tuba player? What does a high school tuba player get on his/her SAT (Scholastic Aptitude Test)? What is Black and Brown and looks good on a tuba player? What is the range of a tuba? What Is Tuba Backwards?
What would you call the smartest tuba player in the world? What's a tuba for? What's the difference between a chain saw and a tuba? What's the difference between a dead tuba player and a dead snake? What's the difference between a tuba and a lawn mower? What's the difference between an onion and a Chinese tuba? What's the difference between the sounds a tuba makes and a sick elephant? Why aren't tubas used in country/western bands?
Why are tubas like elderly parents? Why do tuba players have pea-sized brains? Why do tuba players in their whole life play never hide? Why did the tuba player switch to the drums? Why would a tuba player get fired from any office job? You drop a Banjo, an Accordion and a Tuba off the Empire State building. Which one hits the ground first? Some We Could All Thank 
International Tuba Competition 12-13 march 2011 Paris-Ville d’Avray.
Have You Got a Great Joke You Would Like to Share with Us?We all would love to hear your best joke. Share it with all of us. If you'd like, I'll put a page together featuring YOU and your best jokes. Folks can find their own personal pages on YOUR PAGES off the Home page. What Other Visitors Have SaidClick below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...
uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuat Not rated yet a dreamer |
A guy goes into a bar and gets really drunk. He decides before he leaves that he needed to go to the bathroom, so he asks the bartender where the bathroom is.
A tuba player walks into a bar................It cost him $175.00 to have the dent removed.
How do a tuba player's brain cells die?
How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?
One week after moving into his first apartment, Ed called his mother to complain about his neighbors: "One woman cries all day, another lies in bed moaning, and then there's the guy that keeps banging his head against the wall."
Top Ten Reasons to Play Tuba:
Top Ten Uses For Tubas:
