The Lost Art of Proofreading

The Lost Art of Proofreading entertains us with newspaper, magazine and other titles that were written by people either in a hurry, never finished the 5th grade, or so stupid to realize what they had just written.

"Don't talk down to me, boy!"
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Via the Koolaid or Laundry Detergent?
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Step right up and get yours today.
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They currently hold a majority on the Department of Redundantcy Department.
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Yep, and she probably refused their interview after the accident.
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They've been repeatedly reminded to film only when sober.
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By the way, if your ad works, I need a million dollars.
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See the fish were breathing the water whereas we drink it, so it's ok.
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Wonder if her exams were oral or written.
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Next season he'll be a wide receiver.
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This statistician must refer to the level of maturity over actual age data.
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OOOOOh, I bet these guys are batting 1,000.
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It's this very guy who excels in the casino.
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How's this guy going to be monitored?
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Same guy believes that 2 wrongs don't make a right, so why should 2 halves add up.
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Isn't research wonderful?
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Now where did we set that?
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I can see why they may have been surprised.
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Bet he's always in a good mood, though.
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I know mine stays there alot.
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Yea, and some of them might have had some dead bodies in them.
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Something tells me this guy won't be attending a tea party anywhere.
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I've heard of the "take-away" sales approach but this takes the cake.
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Malpractice with benefits.
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Isn't he aware that when more is given........
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That way they can keep the apr around 36%.
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Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.
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7-Day Diarrhea Runs Through Bay County



Do some people enjoy diarrhea? Studies reveal 4 out of 5 people suffer from it.
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Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No crap, really? Ya think?
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Barbershop Singers Bring Joy to School for the Deaf



Yea, and musical chairs was played right after the concert.
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Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
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Copulation of Short Stories



Can't wait to see the movie.
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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
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Class Motto


Then, after graduation, we am looking for a grate job making big bux.
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
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Working on the Same Spot for Years



I bet it was this guy who had Monica's blue dress.
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
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One in For Kids Drops Out of High School



And that one who left early now writes for the local paper.
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War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
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Our 44st President



I've told them twiced to fix that heading.
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If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Ya think?!
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Wrestler Smells Title



First a whiff of defeet, BUTT he gave it his all.
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Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
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Miracle Cure Kills Fifth Patient



These folks were old fashioned who ran the Mom and Pop "Five and Dying" Store.
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Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
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Lawyers Back Despite Use of Bug Spray



To follow an ambulance or a picnic...it's a toss-up.
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Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? Oklahoma's new construction program!
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Which of the 3 halves are They Referring To?



Please, don't leave out the middle half.
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Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
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Sometime Between January and Sunday



Whew, this really narrows its down.
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New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?
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9 Who Care



Come on, there's more faces in the article than little piggys on your body.
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Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
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Berkley Turns Blind Ear to Finance Committee



My deaf eye just can't see why.
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Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Do they taste like chicken?
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Bridges Help People Cross Rivers



And fear keeps me from crossing my wife.
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Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
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Experts Say Death By Firing Squad Isn't That Bad



I was under the impression that an expert had experienced that which they were claiming to be Tops in their field.
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Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
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Native American Students Well Endowed



I wouldn't touch that article with a 10 foot pole.
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Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?
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Cop Makes Arrest in Bathroom After Smelling Crack



Maybe the criminal should have showered before coming into the room.
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Affordable Housing Too Expensive, Says Councillor



What would he know? What would the expensive housing cost?
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Most Doctors Agree Breathing Regularly is Good for You



That diagnosis will probably bill your insurance carrier $240.
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Senior Luncheon Will No Longer Include Lunch



So, I should eat prior to coming to this luncheon, right.
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Laxatives Helps Remove Ear Wax



Will they include hearing aids with these laxatives since your eardrums will be gone?
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MSI Owner Denies Lying, Admits Not Telling Truth



Oh, the glass is either half full or half empty.
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Hospitals Resort To Hiring Doctors



Yeah, but be on the lookout for the ones who stayed at the Holiday Inn Express the night before your exam.
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Slowdown Continues to Accelerate



Is this what's meant by the upside-down principle?
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Cows Lose Their Jobs As Milk Prices Drop



There's always Community College Classes, The Peace Corps or running for public office.
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Turkeys, Manure Pass Through the Senate



We always knew what they were and what they were full of.
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"We Hate Math" says 4 in 10-A Majority of Americans


Can't imagine them hating math.
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Animal Rights Group to Hold Meeting at Steakhouse



And everyone had the salad bar I suppose.
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Man Competent Enough to be Declared Insane


He was aware of the benefits of eating institutional foods.
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Veterans of the Civil War Seeking New Members



I hear all their functions are held via GoToMeeting.
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Chicken Manure is not Quite the Cure for Chapped Lips



But the carb count is reasonable.
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City Plans to be More Open Kept Secret



Why change now, been that way for years.
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Poverty Meeting Attracts Poor Turnout



Take a look at what you're advertising.....no wonder the crowd was small.
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Warmer Weather May Make Snow Disappear



No kidding!
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Forecasts Call for Warmer or Cooler Weather



Now, what are my other options?
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Top Secret Mission to Launch Tuesday



Longitude and Lattitude coordinates, please.
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East Tennessee Aglow Over Growth in Nuclear Jobs



Entire town is radiating over this resession buster.
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Local Children are Winners at Dog Show



Best of Show was my little pointer.
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Use Clothing to Keep Warm in Winter



Really!
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52 Foot Officers to Patrol Violent Neighborhoods



That should take a bite out of crime.
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Worker Suffers Leg Pain After Crane Drops 800-Pound Ball on His Head



Why didn't the crane operator yell, "Fore"?
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Students Cook and Serve Grandparents



We got them to the kitchen telling them it was a Bingo Convention.
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Homicide Victims Rarely Talk to Police



No kidding!
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Missing Teen Found in Colon



Teachers had been writing on his report card to get his head out of his ...
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Gas Company Behind Bean Supper



Their recycling truck was parked outside the event.
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New Sick Policy Requires 2-Day Notice



Personal leave for Funerals will require a week notice.
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Volunteerism Should Be Made Mandatory



And to be fair, what's mandatory should be on a volunteer basis.
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City Unsure Why Sewer Smells



That's because you've got it for brains.
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Breathing Oxygen Linked to Staying Alive



Used in combination with 8 servings of fruits and vegetables.
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Governor Will Help People With Gas



Beano vouchers included in the Sunday classifieds.
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Total Lunar Eclipse Will be Broadcast Live on Northwood Public Radio



This can be heard in 3D.
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Pilots with DWIs More Likely to Crash



How do you figure that?
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Kayaking is Hard When the Water is Frozen



Speaking from labratory tests or personal experience.
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Man with 8 DUIs blames drinking problem



We were told the Devil made him do it.
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Planes Forced to Land at Airports



Yes, and a new law will require all heart surgeries to be performed in a hospital operating room.
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Seeing Worms After Bowel Movement Bad Way to Start Day



Knowing how the worms got there...pricless.
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Starvation Can Lead to Health Hazards



So can playing Russian Roulette.
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The Bra Celebrates a Pair of Historic Milestones This Year



This needs a documentary devoted to it, produced by someone with "hands-on" experience.
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