Stupid Questions to Ask People
Stupid Questions to Ask People will reveal just how little people think before opening their mouth. I wonder if these people really need to know the answer to their question, or are just testing us. You’ve asked some of these already…..hopefully you’re always on the receiving end of the question.
Probably the most stupid question ever asked is “Why”? It crosses all boundaries and fits any situation.
After smashing my thumb with the hammer as I missed the nail, the onlooking homeowner asks me, ”Gee, did that hurt?”
I was ordering a chocolate nut sundae in the ice cream parlor when the girl taking my order asked me, “Do you want nuts on that?”
Two people are in a room, one of them passes silent but deadly gas, and the innocent party asks, “Was that you?
I make a dash to get the phone off the receiver before the answering machine takes over. I say hello and am asked by the caller,“Are you home?”
It's like before my friend's wife and he moved. Their house was full of
boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in their driveway. Their neighbor
comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?" My friend says, "Nope. We just
pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled
his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ol' stringer of bass and
this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope,
talked 'em into giving up."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There
was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test
it. "Alright, Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They
want you to jump into this pool of sharks. ”Does it hurt when they bite you?”
Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those
side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my
truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?"
I couldn’t resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just
swelled right up on me."
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the
house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the
house, he gets out of the car, and says, “Can I check everything out?”He reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, and says, "Darn that's hot!"
I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you
know, I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I
couldn't get it out, no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and
eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his
basic questioning ...okay...no problem. I thought for sure he was clear
until he asked, "So, is your truck stuck?" I
couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then
back to him and said, "Nope, I'm delivering a bridge."
I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said,
"Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago."
I was cleaning out this man’s basement and taking all the junk to the dump. As I began throwing the stuff off the back of my truck, the fellow beside me yells, ”Cleaning out your basement?” “Nope”, I answered. “Got all this at a yard sale for 2 dollars. I came over here to organize everything.”
You’re sitting in the room ready to be examined by your doctor. Your fever is hovering around 103 degrees. You have severe chills and a headache. You tossed your cookies just before coming into the office. After waiting 30 minutes, the doc opens the door and asks you, “And how are we feeling today?”"What do you feel.....when you shoot a terrorist?"
The Marine shrugged and replied, "A slight recoil."
Katie Couric, while interviewing a Marine sniper, asked:
I did not have my debit card with me so I went in to pay cash for my cash when the clerk asks me, ”Do you have gas?”
I’m taking a math class in college during the summer session. For some reason, the a/c has been set on 58 degrees. We’re all having to wear jackets with the outside temperature in July around 99 degrees. The teacher was a grad student with a self image problem. The whole class hated this guy because of his arrogance. One day, his fly was open and his shirt tail was protruding out of the opening. He was working a problem on the board when he spun around and asked the class, “Is it me or is it getting cold in here?” Class was dismissed immediately when he discovered why we
were laughing so hard.
My Dad carried the mail for 30 years. I remember him telling us about the kid who chased him down and asked him, ”Mr. Mailman, how much does a 5 cent stamp cost?” My Dad told him, “A nickel”. The boy chased him down later that day with his money and said, “My Momma wants to buy a dozen stamps before they go up?”
One year, my paint crew was painting one of the girl’s dorms at the local university. I put a “Wet Paint” sign on the main entrance door. That afternoon a resident approached me and asked me, “Do you have a way to get the paint out of my dress?” I told her I would get a chemical that would remove it. After I got all the paint out of the dress I asked her, “Did you see my “Wet Paint” sign on the front door? She said, “Yes, but I didn’t know what it meant.”
I took our choir on a Saturday trip where we stopped to look in this incredible antique store. I went into the basement and found a glass, antique Planter’s Peanut Jar in mint condition. It was going home with me. I made my way back upstairs heading to the checkout booth. For some reason, the top stair’s rise was higher than all the others. My brain’s memory was caught off guard so it tripped me. As I was falling I was determined not to smash my face in the hardwood floor so I threw my arms out front to catch myself, preventing a potential injury. The perfect lid and jar went rolling down the floor. The manager quickly ran over to check on me and asked me in a sincere , stern voice, “Did you fall?” Somehow I was expecting to be asked, “Are you okay?” Anyway I told him that I was okay and then I remarked, “I know a good attorney that can help you fix that top step.” When I went to check out I found out that the jar did not break and it was to go home with me compliments of the manager.
On that same trip, we stopped at a small café. One of the ladies working the grill saw our bus and asked if that was us? When she found out it was, she wanted to know if we knew Dean Shore. He grew up in this town and was currently our Youth Director at the church. When she realized we knew Dean, she spent the next 20 minutes going over all the details of him growing up in their town and how special he was to everyone. This was the year that Bush and Gore were running for President. It just so happened that Dean could have been Gore’s Body Double in size and facial features. When I mentioned to this lady that Dean reminded us all of Al Gore, she said, ”Who’s Al Gore?”
Many times I have to go into the local Lowes Contractor Store and pick up needed materials for the job we’re on. I wear my painting bibbed overalls into the store. One day, a young lady at the counter asked me as I entered the store, ”Are you a painter?” Here’s my answer. “Tone it down, we’re watching your boss. He may be embezzling money. I dress like this to fit into the crowd. I’m going to pretend I’m shopping while keeping an eye on your boss.” Her response, “Really!”
One day I’m in a hotel doing a take-off on an upcoming painting project. I got the feeling someone was staring at me. I was right. The young bellboy was staring at me. When I achieved eye contact with him, he asked me, “How did you get your goatee so white?” Even though I’m 53 years old with facial hair that’s already been white for some time, I could not resist this moment. I told the young man, “Go into your favorite drug store and go down the men’s toiletries aisle. Purchase one box of the Just For Men Whitener. Follow the directions and you’ll have a white goatee when you get up tomorrow morning.” With an excited, glowing face, he said, “Thanks for the tip.”
We were in the process of restoring a convent one summer. We removed all the hardware on the huge entrance door so not to even put a scratch on these antique fixtures. Before the pediment was totally finished, the Maintenance Supervisor of the church took the door hardware away for some reason. We were not aware of this event until one morning the Nun, who was over the Convent approached us working on the pediment and asked me, ”Have you seen my knockers?” I bit my tongue, looked her right in the eye and said, “No Mam.” The painters were falling off the porch laughing as she left.
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