Oboe Jokes

Oboe Jokes play around the life and times of all oboe players.

Players of this instrument must have an incredible amount of patience and perseverance to master this instrument.

They deal with incredible head back pressure their entire musical careers.

Maybe it's showing a little.




Define a lady

She owns an oboe yet refuses to play it.
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How can you tell the first chair oboe player has been at a computer?

There is white out all over the screen.
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How can you tell the second chair oboe player was at the computer after the first chair oboe player?

There is writing on the white out.
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How do you get an oboe players eyes to light up?

Shine a flashlight in their ears.
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How do you get five oboes in tune?

Shoot four of them.
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How do you keep a clarinet from being stolen?

Put it in an oboe case.
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How do you make an oboist play a sustained A-flat?

Steal his batteries.
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How many oboe players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one but he'll go through 30 to 40 bulbs to find the best one.
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The only time two oboes sound good together is when they're so out of tune they actually sound like bagpipes.
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There was a band director who had a gun with two bullets there was a bad oboe player, trumpet player, and bassoon player. Who did he shoot?

The oboe player- twice, just to make sure.
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What are burning oboes used for?

To set bassoons on fire.
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What are oboes good for?

Kindling when burning bassoons.
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What do an oboe and a baseball have in common?

People cheer when you hit them with a bat.
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What do you call perfect pitch in an oboe?

In the dumpster without hitting the side.
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What is a burning oboe good for?

Setting a bassoon on fire.
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What is the definition of a half step?

Two oboes playing in unison.
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What is the definition of a major second?

Two baroque oboes playing in unison.
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What is the definition of a minor second?

Two oboes playing in unison.
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What's the difference between a family reunion and an oboe solo?

You know they are both coming and there is not a darn thing you can do about it!!
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What's the difference between a high-school oboe section and a 12-cylinder Jaguar engine?

a)With enough time and work, you can eventually get the 12-cylinder Jag in tune.
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What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist?

A bad oboist can kill you.
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What's the difference between an oboe and an onion?

You don't cry when you're cutting up the oboe.
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What's the difference between an oboist and a psychiatric ward patient?

The oboist just hasn't been caught yet.
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What's the difference between oboe road kill and raccoon road kill?

Skid marks in front of the raccoon!
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What's wrong with oboes?

Everything.
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When is an oboe a good oboe?

When it's down a toilet.
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Which burns better, an oboe or a bassoon?

A bassoon; there's more wood!
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Why are there no oboes in the marching band?

It's bad enough having them in concert band.
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get away from the oboe recital.
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Why do oboists drive BMWs?

Because they can spell it.
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Why does an oboist always have to fight for correct intonation?

Because most oboes are full of holes.
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Why don't oboists eat bananas?

They can't find a zipper OR a pull tab.
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Why should oboe players get no breaks?

They will forget how to read notes and it will take too long to re-teach them.
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