Italian Jokes

The best place to get great Italian Jokes is from an Italian. Thank goodness I know several of these guys that share their best jokes with me. They're good athletes and coffee drinkers all at the same time

Italian Jokes will bail you out someday.

These stories will bring clarity to why some of your Italian friends act, say and do the things they do.

I always start an Italian joke out with, "Did you hear about the Italian that.........." This hooks them, now reel them in.

This is the key to being non-Italian but making this joke go over great.

Work on your accent when you use these in your routine. It adds to the flavor of the joke making the listener more receptive.

A great source of Italian jokes can be found here!

What Time is It?

Q. What does FIAT stand for?
A. Frenzied Italian At Traffic-lights.

A Italian businessman on his deathbed called his good friend and said, "Luigi, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."
"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the IRS...and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything.'"

Q. What's an innuendo?
A. An Italian suppository.

Luigi and Paulo were fishing in the Mediterranean sea one sunny day when a World War II mine came floating along. On seeing this round, spikey object coming nearer and nearer, Luigi shouts at his friend " Hey Paulo, it's a mine, it's a mine!!!" Paulo replies " O.K. Luigi, you can-a have it!!! "

How come Italian's don't like Jehovah witnesses?
They don't like any witnesses.

Q. How does an Italian get into an honest business?
A. Usually through the skylight.

At the World Women's Conference, the first speaker from England stood up:
"At last year's conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb."

The crowd cheered.
The second speaker from America stood up:
"After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well."

The crowd cheered.

The third speaker from Italy stood up:
"After last year's conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."

Have you ever seen an Italian nativity scene?
It has Jesus, Mary, and three wise guys.

What do you call a pimple on an Italian?
A grease fitting.

Why don't Italians have freckles?
They all slide off.

How do you brainwash an Italian?
Give him an enema.

What language do the Vatican Police speak?
Pig Latin!

What do you call an Italian with an I.Q. of 180?

Q. Why is Italy shaped like a boot?
A. Do you think they could fit all that crap in a tennis shoe?

Q. How does an Italian count his goats?
A. He just counts the legs, and divides by four.

Q. How did they advertise surplus W. W. II Italian rifles for sale?
A. "Never fired, and only dropped once."

Q. Why does the new Italian Navy use glass bottomed boats?
A. So they can steer clear of the old Italian Navy.

Q. Why is Italian bread so long?
A. So they can dip it into the sewer.

Q. How is the Italian version of Christmas different?
A. One Mary, one Jesus, and 32 Wise guys.

Q. Who really killed John F. Kennedy?
A. Two hundred Italian sharpshooters.

Q. How do Italian girls shave their legs?
A. They lie down outside and have someone mow them.

Q. What do you get when you cross an Italian and a Pollock?
A. A guy who makes you an offer you can t understand.

Q. How do you kill an Italian?
A. Smash the toilet seat on the back of his head when he is getting a drink.

Q. If Tarzan and Jane were Italian, what would Cheetah be?
A. The least hairy of the three.

Q. What did the barber say to the Italian kid?
A. Do you want your hair cut or should I just change the oil?

Q. Why do Puerto Ricans throw their trash away in clear plastic bags?
A. So Italians can go window shopping.

Q. Why do Italian men have mustaches?
A. So they can look like their mothers.

Q. Why are most Italian men named Tony?
A. When they got on the boat to America they stamped To NY (Tony) on their foreheads.

25 Signs That You Are Italian And Live In The 3rd Millennium

1. You just tried to enter your password on the microwave.
2. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
3. You call your son's beeper to let him know it's time to eat. He emails you back from his bedroom, "What's for dinner?"
4. Your daughter sells Girl Scout Cookies via her web site.
5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa, but you haven't spoken with your next door neighbor yet this year.
6. You check the ingredients on a can of chicken noodle soup to see if it contains Echinacea.
7. Your grandmother asks you to send her a JPEG file of your newborn so she can create a screen saver.
8. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.
9. Every commercial on television has a web-site address at the bottom of the screen.
10. You buy a computer and 6 months later it is out of date and now sells for half the price you paid.
11. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 years of your life, is cause for panic and turning around to go get it.
12. Using real money, instead of credit or debit, to make a purchase would be a hassle and take planning.
13. Cleaning up the dining room means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
14. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
15. You consider second-day air delivery painfully slow.
16. Your dining room table is now your flat filing cabinet.
17. Your idea of being organized is multiple-colored Post-it notes.
18. You hear most of your jokes via e-mail instead of in person.
19. You get an extra phone line so you can get phone calls.
20. You disconnect from the Internet and get this awful feeling, as if you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
21. You get up in morning and go online before getting your coffee.
22. You wake up at 2 am to go to the bathroom and check your E-mail on your way back to bed.
23. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
24. You're reading this.
25. Even worse; you're going to forward it to someone else.


Twas the night before Christmas,
Da whole house was mella
Not a creature was stirrin',
Cuz I had a gun unda da pilla.
When up on da roof
I heard somethin' pound,
I sprung to da window,
To scream, "YO! Keep it down!"

When what to my
Wanderin' eyes should appear,
But da Don of all elfs,
And eight friggin' reindeer!

Wit' slicked back black hair,
And a silk red suit,
don Christopher wuz here,
And he brought da loot!
Wit' a slap to dare snouts,
And a yank on dare manes,
He cursed and he shouted,
And he called dem by name.

"Yo Tony, Yo Frankie,
Yo Vinny, Yo Vito,
Ay Joey, Ay Paulie,
Ay Pepe, Ay Guido!"

As I drew out my gun
And hid by da bed,
He flew troo da winda
And slapped me 'side da head.
"What da hell you doin'
Pullin' a gun on da Don?
Now all you're gettin' is coal,
You friggin' moron!"
Den pointin' a fat finga
Right unda my nose,
He twisted his pinky ring,
And up da chimney he rose.
He sprang to his sleigh,
Obscenities screamin',
Away dey all flew,
Before he troo dem a beatin'
Den I heard him yell out,
What I did least expect,
"Merry Friggin' Christmas to all,
And yous better show some respect!"

Q. What do you call an Italian with his hands in his pocket?
A. A mute

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has scammed him for ten million bucks. This bookkeeper is deaf. It was considered an occupational benefit, and why he got the job in the first place, since it was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not be able to hear anything he'd ever have to testify about in court.
When the Godfather goes to shakedown the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million bucks, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language. The Godfather asks the bookkeeper: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the 10 million dollars is hidden.
The bookkeeper signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about. " The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, cocks it, and says: "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"
The bookkeeper signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens!" The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?"
The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

A Greek and Italian were sitting in a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"

Emma, who was on a sinking ship, was thinking, ?I?m too young to die.? Then, she yelled at the people around, ?Well, if I?m going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this ship who can make me feel like a woman?
For a moment, there was silence.. No response came for a while. Then an Italian man stood up. He was gorgeous, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He started to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his button at a time. No one moved. He removed his shirt. Muscles rippled across his chest...
She gasps...
He whispers...
Iron this, and get me something to eat.

A man was leaving a 7-11 with his morning coffee and newspaper when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary italian guy walking a pitbull on a leash.
Behind him were 200 men walking single file. The guy couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the Italian walking the dog and said "Sir, I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this.
Whose funeral is it?"
The italian replied: "Well, that first hearse is for my wife."
"What happened to her?" The man replied: "My dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further: "Well, who is in the second hearse?"
The Italian answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men.
"Sir, could I borrow that dog?"
"Get in line."

Big Lorenzo, an Italian fella, is bragging to his friends about his sons:
"I'ma so prouda my oldest son. He maka fifty thousand dollar evra year. Hesa Engineer!"
"I even more prouda ma second son. He maka five hundred thousand dollar a year. Hesa Doctor!"
"But, I'ma da proudest a ma youngest son. He maka Five million dollar a year. Hesa Sports Mechanic!"
Paolo, his friend asks: "What's a Sports Mechanic?"
Lorenzo replies: "Wella, he can fixa everytin. He fixa da horseraces, he fixa da boxin matcha......."

Vinnie Calabrese, right off the boat from Italy, was excited about being accepted at Harvard University. On his first day on campus, he was walking around looking for the library. He saw an upperclassman standing by a tree, walked up to him and said, "Hey paisano, coulda you tella me where isa da library at?"
The upperclassman said, "Here at Harvard we never end sentences with a preposition. Would you like to rephrase that question?"
"OK, fora you, no problem, Paisano," said the Italian.
"Tella me, do you know where isa da library at, youa SOB?"


You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.
Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a 76 Monte Carlo.
You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro or Firebird.
Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.
You consider dunking a cannoli in an espresso a nutritious breakfast.
Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-law's brother-in-law.
You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 strip clubs.
Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just do me" tank top to the beach.
At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.
All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.
A high school diploma and 1 year of Nassau Community College has earned you the title of "professor" among your aunts.
You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
If someone in your family grows beyond 5'6", it is presumed his mother had an affair.
There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.
You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
At some point in your life, you were a D.J.
30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Pronto" when answering the phone.
You have ever been in a fight defending Sly Stallone's thespian greatness.
Somewhere on your parents' property, there is a bathtub Madonna.
You build your house with 3 materials.... brick, brick and wrought iron.
You have at least one sister that went to Beauty School.
Clothes from the Chess King will actually fit you.
It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your pockets.
You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."
You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."
You've called someone a "mamaluke."
And you understand "bada bing"
Have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is, "He shoulda kept his big yap shut."
Your grandfather had a fig tree.
You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.
Plastic on the furniture is normal.
You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.
You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.
You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.
Your mom's meatballs are the best.

In Italy a poll was taken to determine why men get up at night.
Here are the results:
10 % to raid the fridge.
15 % to have a pee.
75 % to go home.

A wealthy American man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years. One night, during a rendezvous, she confided to him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he told her he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to have the child.
If she stayed there, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but wondered how he would know when the baby is born.
To keep it discreet, he told her to mail him a postcard, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support.
One day, about nine months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange postcard today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said.
The wife did as she was asked, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and fainted.
On the card was written "Spaghetti, spaghetti, spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

Two Italian guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick.
The driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, "Why'd you do that?
The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready."
Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick.
The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?"
The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true."
The passenger says, "Huh?"
The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, 'I wish that guy would've tried that crap with me!

Two Italians, Luigi and Antonio, met on the street."Hey, Antonio," said Luigi, "Where you been for the past two weeks? No one seen you around."
"Dona talka to me, Luigi," replied Antonio. "I been inna jail."
"Jail!" exclaimed Luigi. "What for you been in jail?"
"Wella, Luigi," Antonio said, "I was lying onna dis beach, and the cops come, arrest me and throw me inna jail."
"But dey dona throw you in jail just for lying onna da beach!", Luigi countered.
"Yeah, but dis beach was screamin' and akickin' and ayellin'!"

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped in his New York neighborhood barbershop to say hello to his friends.
Giovanni said, "Hey, Luigi. How was'a da treep?"
Luigi said, "Ever'thing was'a perfect except for da train'a ride down."
"What'a you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we board'a da train at Grand Central'a Station. My beautiful'a Virginia had packed a big'a basket a food with vino and cigars for'a me, and'a we were looking 'aforward to da trip. All was OK until we got'a hungry and opened up'a da lunch'a basket.
"The conductor came by, wagged his'a finger at us and'a say, 'No eat in dese'a car. Must'a use'a dining car.'
"So, me and my beautiful'a Virginia, we go to dining car, eat a big'a lunch and begin to open'a bottle of vino.
Conductor come again, wag his'a finger and say, 'No drink'a in dese'a car. Must'a use'a club'a car.'
"So we go to club'a car. While'a drinking vino, I start to light'a my big'a cigar.
The conductor, he wag'a his finger again and say, 'No smoke'a in dese'a car. Must'a go to smoker car.'
"We go to smoker car and I smoke'a my cigar.
Later, my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to sleeper car and'a go to bed.
And then here come’a the conductor, he come'a through the car yelling, 'NO-FOLK'A, VIRGINIA!'"

An italian man walks into the market followed by his ten-year-old son.
The kid is spinning a 25 cent piece in the air and catching it between his teeth.
As they walk through the market someone bumps into the boy at just the wrong moment and the coin goes straight into his mouth andlodges in his throat.
He immediately starts choking and going blue inthe face and the Dad starts panicking, shouting and screaming for help.
A middle-aged, fairly unremarkable italian man in a gray suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading his newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion he looks up, puts his coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds his newspaper and places it on the counter.
He gets up from his seat and makes his unhurried way across the market.
Reaching the boy (who is still standing, but just barely) the italian man carefully takes hold of the kid's testicles and squeezes gently but firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the 25 cent piece, which the man catches in his free hand.
Releasing the boy, the man hands the coin to the father and walks back to his seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects,the father rushes over to the man and starts effusively thanking him.
The man looks embarrassed and brushes off the father's thanks.
As theman is about to leave, the father asks one last question: "I've neverseen anybody do anything like that before - it was fantastic - what areyou, a surgeon or something like that?"
"Oh, good heavens, no", the man replies, "I work for the IRS."

An old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City Office Building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"
The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"
About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destiny and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, looks both beautiful women in the eye, she bends over, and passes gas...
"Broccoli - 49 cents a pound."

An Italian man immigrates to America. He starts sweeping floors in a pizzeria, and after 15 years works his way up to owning a small chain of pizzerias. He decides to have his own house designed and built for him. And it is going to have everything!
One day he is talking to the contractor and said, "Makea you sure you puta plenty da halo statues inna da house. I wanna hava lotsa da halo statues. One inna every room, even da bathroom."
The contractor, realizing his client must be a very religious person, carefully plans a niche in every room, and personally searches for the perfect statue for each niche.
Finally, the house is finished. The Italian man walks through his new home for the first time.
The contractor points out all the features, and finally the Italian man said, "But wherea are alluh myhalo statues?
I wanna lotsa halo statues!" And the contractor points to the niches and said, "I put a statuein every room, like you asked."
The Italian replies, "No, no, no! I donna no wanna nonea daSaintas. I wanna da Halo Statues!
You knowa da Halo Statues? Deya ring anda you picka dem up, anna you say, halo 'stat you?"

Giuseppe walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know who's-a George Washington?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppe, who's-a George Washington?"
He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of-a United States.
I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."
A couple of days later, Giuseppe walks into work and says."Ey, Tony, you know who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppe, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
He says, "Hah! Abraham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a the United States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a citizen."
A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppe . . . you know who Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
The guy yells, "That's the guy who's seein’ your wife while you're in night school."

Q. Waiter... Waiter... Do you have frog legs?
A. No!... I always walk this way!

Q. Waiter... Waiter... Do you have frog legs?
A. Yes Sir! - Then hop over there and get me a sandwich!

Waiter... Waiter... There is a fly in my soup!
Not for long Sir! Look at the spider on the side of your plate!

Waiter... Waiter... There is a hair in my soup!
For $2.00 what do you want!? the whole wig!?

Once upon a time, there were 3 Italian pigs. Giancarlo, the owner of a straw house, Antonio, the owner of a stick house, and Guido, the owner of a brick house.
One day this nasty old wolf came up to Giancarlo's house and said, "I'm gonna huff, and puff and blow your house down." And he did!
So Giancarlo went running over to Antonio's house and said "Let me in, please, the wolf just blew down my house!"
So Antonio let Giancarlo in.
Then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down!" And he did!
Antonio and Giancarlo went running over to Guido's house and said "Let us in!
The wolf just blew down our houses and we're scared!"
So Guido let them in.
The wolf caught up with them and said "I'm gonna huff, and puff and blow your house down."
While he was huffing and puffing, Giancarlo and Antonio were scared!
But Guido picked up the phone and called a friend.
All of a sudden this big, black stretch limo drove up. Out came two massive pigs in pin striped suits and fedoras.
These huge pigs came over to the wolf and grabbed him by the neck and beat the living heck out of him.
Then, one of them pulled out a gun and fired into the wolf's mouth.
They left the wolf for dead, got back into their limo, and drove off.

Vinny and Sal are out in the woods hunting. Suddenly Sal grabs his chest and falls to the ground.He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
Vinny whips out his cell phone and dials 911.
He gasps to the operator: ‘I think Sal is dead! What should I do?’
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: ’Just take it easy and follow my instructions:
‘First, let’s make sure he’s dead.’
There is a long silence …….and then a shot is heard.
Vinny’s voice comes back on the line:
”Okay… now what?’

Q. Why does the Italian flag have two pieces of velcro on it?
A. So that the red and green parts can be detached when any fighting starts.

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your county and then sue the landowners for lots of money?"
Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.
"No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."

Q. How can you identify the Italian at the Cock fight?
A. He's the one who bets on the duck.

Q. How can you tell if the Mafia is involved in the Cock fight?
A. Well, if the Duck wins, you know they are!

Francis and Isabella were having their usual battle of the sexes.
"Italian men are all stupid," screamed Isabella.

"Oh, yeah?" yelled her husband. "I'll have you know it was an Italian man who invented the toilet seat!"

"And I'll have you know," said his wife, "it was an Italian woman who thought of putting a hole in it!"

Q. Why do Italian men have mustaches?
A. So they can look like their mammas.

"Listen, God is everywhere, trust me, he is absolutely everywhere," the wise old Sicilian priest told little Gianluca, who thought about this for a moment, before grabbing a half-opened matchbox lying on the table, quickly snapped it shut and declared triumphantly: "Got him!!!"

Q: How can you tell if an Italian is in the Mafia?
A: His favorite dish is broken leg of lamb.

Little Italian Boy Goes to Confession
Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose woman.

The priest asks, Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?
Yes, Father, it is.

And who was the woman you were with?

I can't tell you, Father.
I don't want to ruin her reputation.

Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name soner or later, so you may as well tell me now.

Was it Tina Minetti?
I cannot say.

Was it Teresa Volpe?
I'll never tell.

Was it Nina Capelli?
I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.

Was it Cathy Piriano?
My lips are sealed.

Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?
Please, Father, I cannot tell you.

The priest sighs in frustration.

You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.

Now you go and behave yourself.

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, What'd you get?
Four months vacation and five good leads.

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