Funny Country Songs

The majority of ridiculous song titles are housed in funny country songs.

The person who titled these was either very creative, very witty or very drunk.

It makes me wonder if these titles were derived from real-life incidents, or just from dreaming.

Some of these titles may hit close to home and some are hilarious.

Dancing With A Man

Another funny country song is a version of "If My Nose Was Runnin' Money, I'd Blow It All On You."

If My Nose Was Runnin’ Money, Id Blow It All On You

Ain’t No Trash in My Trailer Since the Night I threw You Out
All I Want From You is Away
All My Exes Live in Texas
All The Guys Who Turn Me On Turn Me Down
An Old Flame Can’t Hold a Candle To You
And There Was Grandma, Swingin’ on the Outhouse Door, Without a Shirt On
Are You Drinkin’ with Me, Jesus?
At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self-Service Pump

Baked My Sweetie a Pie, But He Left with a Tart
Beauty is Only Skin Deep, but Ugly Goes Clean to the Bone
Bubba Shot the Jukebox the Other Night, Said It Played a Sad Song He Didn’t Like
Bubba’s Inconvenience Store

Can’t Get Over You, So Why Don’t You Get Under Me?
C’mon Down Off the Stove, Granny, You’re Too Old to Ride the Range
Come Out of the Wheatfield Nelly, You’re Going Against the Grain

Do You Love As Good As You Look
Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?
Don’t Cry on My Shoulders Cause You’re Rustin’ My Spurs Don’t Roll Those Bloodshot Eyes At Me
Don’t Run Through the Screen Door Honey, You’ll only Strain Yourself
Don’t Want That Floozy in My Jacuzzi
Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life

Every Time We Throw a Party, She Beats Me to the Punch

Forget the Night, Help Me Make it Through the Door
From the Indies to the Andies in His Undies

Gave Her My Heart and a Diamond and She Clubbed Me With a Spade
Get Drunk and Be Somebody
Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms
Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart

Hand Me the Pool Cue and Call Yourself an Ambulance
Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine
Heaven's Just A Sin Away
Her Body Couldn't Keep You Off My Mind
Her Cheatin' Heart Made A Drunken Fool Out Of Me
Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
Hey, Won’t You Play Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song?
He’s Been Drunk Since His Wife’s Gone Punk
He’s Got a Way with Women…and He’s Just got Away with Mine
Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
High Cost of Low Living
How Can A Whiskey That's 6 Years Old Whup A Man That's 33?
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
How Come Your Dog Don’t Bite Nobody But Me
How Did You Get So Ugly Overnight?

I Ain’t Never Gone to Bed with An Ugly Woman, But I Sure Woke Up with a Few
I Ain’t As Good As I Once Was, But I’m Good, Once, As I Ever Was
I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
I Bought the Shoes that Just Walked Out on Me
I Can't Get Over You, So Why Don't You Get Under Me?
I Can’t Love Your Body if Your Heart’s Not in It
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
I Don't Know Whether To Come Home Or Go Crazy
I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
I Don't Want Your Body If Your Heart's Not In It
I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart
I Found the Recipe for Heartbreak In a Cookbook on Your Shelf
I Gave Her the Ring, and She Gave Me the Finger
I God Friends in Low Places
I Got In At 2 With A 10 And Woke Up At 10 With A 2
I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine
I Just Bought A Car From The Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We Got An Even Deal
I Just Couldn’t Leave Her Behind Alone
I Just Fell in Something and I Sure Hope It’s Love
I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
I Kissed Her On the Lips, and Left Her Behind for You
I Knew I'd Hit Rock Bottom When I Woke Up On Top Of You
I Knew She Really Missed Me When the Ashtray Flew Past My Head
I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
I Lost My Honey Bunny on a Bad Hare Day
I May Be Used (But Baby I Ain't Used Up)
I Meant Every Word That He Said
I Only Have Eyes for You, But Look What I’ve Got for Your Sister
I Only Miss You on the Days That End in Y
I Sat Down On A Beartrap (Just This Morning)
I Sold a Car To a Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don’t Run So We’re Even
I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
I Thought She was Out Jogging, But She Was Runnin’ Around On Me
I Wanna Whip Your Cow
I Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife’s Heart
I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back to See if I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back at Me
I Was So Ugly When I Was Born That the Doctor Slapped My Momma
I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
I Wish I Were a Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me)
I Wish I Were In Dixie Tonight, But She's Out Of Town
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
I Wouldn't Take You To A Dog Fight Even If I Thought You Could Win
I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
I’d Rather Hear a Fat Girl Fart Than a Pretty Boy Sing
If Drinkin' Don't Kill Me, Her Memory Will
If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You
If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
If I Had a Nose Full of Nickels, I’d Sneeze Them All Atchoo!
If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now
If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me?
If It's Got To Be Later, How 'Bout Later Tonight?
If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
If Money Talks, It Ain’t On Speaking Terms with Me
If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick, I'll Fall In Love
If The Jukebox Took Teardrops I'd Cry All Night Long
If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
If The Phone Don’t Ring, It’s Me Not Calling You Up
If Whiskey Were A Woman I'd Be Married For Sure
If You Can't Feel It (It Ain't There)
If You Can’t Get An Upper Berth in Hawaii, You Can Always Get Aloha
If You Can’t Live Without Me, Why Aren’t You Dead Yet?
If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
If You were the Only Girl in the World, You Would Probably Be My Sister
It Ain't Love But It Ain't Bad
It Don't Feel Like Sinnin' To Me
It Takes Me All Night Long To Do What I Used To Do All Night Long
It’s Hard to Kiss the Lips at Night that Chew Your Ass Out All Day Long
I'll Get Over You As Soon As You Get Out From Under Him
I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonite
I'm Gettin' Gray From Being Blue
I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home
I'm Havin' Daydreams About Night Things In The Middle Of The Afternoon
I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
I'm Not Married But The Wife Is
I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
I’m So Much Cooler On-Line
I’m Sorry I Made You Cry, But At Least Your Face is Cleaner
I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
It’s Better to Have Loved a Short Girl, Than to have Never Loved a Tall
It’s 5 O’Clock Somewhere
I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
I've Got Four On The Floor And A Fifth Under The Seat
I’ve Got the Hungries for Your Love and I’m Waiting in Your Welfare Line
I've Got Red Eyes From Your White Lies And I'm Blue All The Time
I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back In My Bed While I Cry Over You
I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line

Jesus Loves You But I Don’t

Learning To Live Again Without You Is Killing Me
Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well

Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You
My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
My Shoe’s Keep Walkin’ Back to You
My Sweet Tooth Says I Wanna, But My Wisdom Tooth Says Now I Lay Me Down to Cheat
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him

Now That We’re Both Miserable I Hope You’re Happy

Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
Oh, Lord! It's Hard To Be Humble When You're Perfect In Every Way
One Day When You Swing That Skillet My Face Ain’t Gonna Be There
Out Of My Head And Back In My Bed

Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
Peekin’ In the Knothole In Grandma’s Wooden Leg
Please Bypass This Heart

Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer

She Broke My Heart So I Broke Her Jaw
She Broke My Heart While I Broke My Back
She Chews Tobacco, But She Didn’t Choose Me
She Feels Like A New Man Tonight
She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through the Night it Was Honor and Offer
She’s Actin’ Single and I’m Drinkin’ Doubles
She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
She’s Lookin’ Better After Every Beer
She's Out Doing What I'm Here Doing Without
Since You Bought the Waterbed We’ve Slowly Drifted Apart
Swing Wide Your Gate Of Love

Take Me to the Cornfield Honey and I’ll Kiss You Between the Ears
Take Me to the Quarry and I’ll Get a Little Bolder
Tennis Must Be Your Racket 'Cause Love Means Nothin' To You
Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
Thanks to the Cathouse, I’m in the Doghouse with You
The Beer I Had for Breakfast is Comin’ Back for Lunch
The Gun Ain’t Loaded But I Am
The Last Word In Lonesome Is "me"
The Only Good Years in Our Life Were On Our Car
The Peach I Picked in Georgia Didn’t Cling to Me for Long
The Tears of Her Eyes Washed Out the Bridge of Her Nose
There Ain’t Enough Room in my Fruit of the Looms to Hold All My Lovin’ for You
There Ain't No Waste In My Baby's Love Canal
They Ain’t Makin’ Jews Like Jesus Anymore
They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
Touch Me With More Than Your Hands

Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart

Walk Out the Door Backwards So I Think You’re Coming In
We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips but Now It’s All Over
What Made Milwaukee Famous (Has Made a Loser Out of Me)
When We Get Back To the Farm (That's When We Really Go To Town)
When My Love Comes Back from the Ladies’ Room Will I Be Too Old to Care?
When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
Whiskey for My Men, Beer for My Horses
Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or Your Lying Eyes?
Why Do You Believe Me When I Tell You That I Love You When You Know I’ve Been a Liar All My Life?
Who’s Makin’ Time with the Time Keeper’s Daughter, when the Time Keeper’s Keepin’ Time?
Would You Like Fries With That?

You Can't Deal Me All The Aces And Expect Me Not To Play
You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
You Changed Your Name from Brown to Jones, and Mine from Brown to Blue
You Done Me Wrong, But Keep On Doing It ‘Til You Do It Right
You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
You Hurt The Love Right Out Of Me
You May Put Me In Prison, But You Can't Keep My Face From Breakin' Out
You Stuck My Heart in an Old Tin Can and Shot It Off a Log
You Wanted to Get Hitched, But My Heart is Filled With Whoa
You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
You're A Cross I Can't Bear
You're Ruining My Bad Reputation
You’re the Hangnail in my Life, And I Can’t Bite You Off
You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

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