Funny Parental Excuses

I taught in the public schools for just one year and read some of these excuses you're about to read. These parents were either sleepy, hung over or in serious pursuit of their GED.

Please excuse my son for doing so poorly on the test. The hour he puts aside to do homework and studying every week was lost when the clocks "sprung forward" over the weekend.

My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father’s fault.

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.
He was hurt in the growing part.

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse my son's tardiness. I forgot to wake him up and I did not find him till I started making the beds.

Please excuse my daughter´s absence. She had her periodicals.

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don´t know what size she wear.

We were evicted from our apartment and the mean sheriff said if my son kept yelling for his notebook he’d have us all arrested.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.

My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.

Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.

Please excuse little Jimmy for not being in school yesterday. His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed with the doctor.

Please excuse Bob from school from Sep. 1 - Nov. 1, he had to attend a religious sacrificial giving ceremony on Indian grounds .

"The reason my child is doing bad in school is because he’s near and far sighted."

Please excuse my son from school yesterday, he has gangrene and cock itch.

Please excuse Jackie for not having her homework she was a little under the weatherman, and there was a big flurry in Central America.

I didn't come to school yesterday because I was feeling like I was going to be sick, but thankfully I wasn't!

Please excuse my daughter for being late. Her broom won't start so I had to send it back to Salem for repairs!

I'm sorry but my baby sitter flushed my homework down the toilet.

I'm sorry Tyler can't go to school today because his hormones are raging.

I'm sorry I can't come to school today because I have toemonia!

My son Michael won't be in school today, he caught his thing in his zipper this morning while dressing and is in lot of pain!

"Please excuse my son from being absent, it was senior skip day," and they accepted it as excused."

Please Excuse Eric from school on May 5th thru May 19th, he was waiting in line for the new Star Wars film, you will be happy to know he got tickets for next September, when he will be missing another week of school while he waits for the perfect seat.

Sorry your books are being returned late - my briefcase was run over in the middle of the Fraser Highway after it fell from the roof of my car. I apologize for the tire tracks on some of your pages.

Please excuse Casey from school. It was Take Your Daughter to work day. I don't have a job, so I made her stay home and do housework.

Please excuse my daughter from school yesterday and P.E. forever. She had a very bad asthma attach running in P.E. because the coach made her run too much. Please excuse her from P.E. even though the doctor says she needs it.

Oh, sorry Mrs. Smith, the cafeteria food made Sally delirious.

My child’s locker is jammed and she can't get her homework out of it.

Dear Coach, Elbert could not make it to the game at 5:30 because the battery in my car was dead because my headlights were left on and I needed a jump from the neighbor. Please excuse Elbert, it was my fault.

Al was not in school yesterday because he was didn't feel like going.

Please excuse Ryan's absents he has smoked too much weed over the last few days and is extremely tired.

My youngest daughter couldn't turn in her homework because her younger step-brother had stolen it, filled it in and turned it in to his teacher to prove how smart he was.

My daughter couldn't turn in her homework because her dad had used it to start a fire in the wood stove.

Johnny was late for class because the bell rang before he got here!!

Karen won't be in class because our dog chipped her tooth.

Billy was absent because he got his head caught in the power window of the car.

"Sharon didn't do my homework because of her eyes. She couldn't see any reason to do it."

Our dog has mistaken Reid’s homework for that GOSH DAMN newspaper.

"Joe don't have his homework because our family just got a new paper shredder, and I just had to test it out, and I accidentally shredded Joe’s homework."

"Carol was late because when she woke up there was a bat flying across the ceiling of her bedroom, so she ran out of the house and waited until it flew away!"

Please excuse Ricky from school yesterday. He had spilled gasoline on his stomach and was afraid he would explode.

Please excuse Bobby from school for the entire week. He has contracted a venereal disease and might spread it around.

"Bob was late for school today because his brother replaced the milk in their cereal to Crazy Glue and Bob’s mouth stuck together and we needed to melt the glue."

My son was off school today because I told him to clean his room. It was very messy and took him all day.

Please excuse Jim today he is constipated and he is stuck on the potty.

Harry was late to school because a cow was laying in the middle of the road blocking traffic.

I apologies for Ron 's lateness to school today it was my fault, I needed his help to strap on our dog's prosthetic leg. Sometimes when the dog is not feeling too corporative I have trouble attaching it to the little stump that she has left. It wont happen again. Thank you sincerely. Sue Parks

Please excuse Karen from PE today as she is having difficulty adapting to the use of her new mechanical toe which she received due to an unfortunate pogo stick accident.

To Whom it may concern: Please excuse my daughter Kim Marie for being sick yesterday, she caught one of my bad flue, colds, and allergies. She may have to go to a different class during MATH, and SCIENCE. The doctor said that to much NUMBERS and to much SCIENCE STUFF may break my daughter's brain from to much education. THANK YOU

Sorry that Jack missed school he was very ill after his aunt kissed him on the cheek.

Cory didn't come to school yesterday because my alarm is plugged in the outlet and my cat unplugged the cord so my alarm didn't go off.

"Please excuse Nolan for being late to class this morning. He and I had quite a few problems that we needed to work out. If he does this again....... please excuse his being absent from school."

"The police discovered grandma's crop so we had to go to court yesterday."

Please excuse Marina from school today. She will be witnessing a birth.

Please excuse Samantha from school for the following days: August,9 thru March,7 because she had lost her marbles.

Carla wasn't in school yesterday because she ate alot of cheese and got constipated.

Sorry Jim is late to school... He was constipated this morning and well... you know... it wasn't coming out.

Could you please excuse my child from P.E. because he forgot his P.E. kit and don't have any pants on.

Sorry Lindsay is late , but I couldn't remember the access code to open the stupid door , so I just went through all the possibilities of the 4 number combinations until I got it, that's why we’re a few hours late.


My daughter couldn't make it for that 1 week she is allergic to exams!!! I have even got a Doctors note.

"Please excuse Julia for not having her flutophone today. It won't happen again. Signed, Her Father"

One from a teacher…..
I am sorry your exams are not all marked. The cat got jealous as I was marking instead of petting him and after I went to bed he attacked the test papers. Those of you missing entire sections will be credited full marks. If I can see your answer through the tooth mark holes, I'll mark what you wrote down.

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