Funny Oxymorons

An oxymoron (plural oxymorons or, more rarely, oxymora) (noun) is a figure of speech that combines two normally contradictory terms.

Oxymoron is a Greek term derived from oxy ("sharp") and moros ("dull"). Thus the word oxymoron is itself an oxymoron.

We use these everyday without realizing it.

Good Used Car is probably at the top of the list.

Enjoy these as I add to them rather frequently.

Better make a pot of coffee...a BIG POT... for this is a rather extensive list of funny oxymorons.


A 12-Ounce Pound Cake
A Definite Maybe
Abortion Doctor
Absolutely Unsure
Accidentally On Purpose
Accordian Music
Accurate Estimate
Accurate Forecast
Accurate Horoscope
Accurate Rumor
Act Naturally
Adult Children
Advanced Basic
Advanced Beginner
Affordable Housing
Agree To Disagree
Air Field
Airline Food
Airport Security
Almost Done
Almost Exactly
Almost Never
Almost Perfect
Almost Ready
Alone Together
Amateur Expert
American Indian
Amicable Divorce
Anticipating The Unanticipated
Anti-Missile Missile
Anxious Patient

Apathetic Interest
Apathetically Urged
Apple tech support
Approximate Solution
Approximately Equal
Arms Limitation
Army Intelligence
Arrogant Humility
Artificial Grass
Artificial Intelligence
Assistant Supervisor
Astronomically Small
Athletic Scholarship
Aunt Jemima Light
Auto Pilot
Authentic Replica
Authentic Reproduction
Authoritarian Anarchy
Awfully Good
Awfully Nice
Awfully Pretty
Agree To Disagree
Airline Food
Airline Schedules
All Alone
All Natural Artificial Flavor
Altogether Separate
Alone In A Crowd
Almost Candid
Almost Done
Almost Exactly
Almost Pregnant
Almost Ready
Almost Safe
Almost Suddenly
Almost Surprised
Almost Totally
Alone Together
Amateur Expert
American Culture
American Education
American English
Amicable Divorce
Among The First
Amtrak Schedule
Anarchy Rules
Anonymous Colleague
Anticipated Serendipity

Baby Giant
Bad Luck
Bad Sport
Balanced Insanity
Balding Hair
Ball Club
Baggy Tights
Band Jocks
Bankrupt Millionaire
Barely Dressed
Barenaked Ladies
Bass Guitar
Battle Ready
Beaucratic Efficiencies
Benevolent Despot
Benign Neglect
Benign Tumor
Better Than New
Beyond Infinity
Big Baby
Big Detail
Big Sip
Big Town
Bigger Half
Binging On Moderation
Bipartisan Cooperation
Bird Dog
Birth Control
Bitter Sweet
Black Gold
Black Light
Black Russian
Blameless Culprit
Bland Spice
Blind Eye
Blind Viewer
Blue Green
Blue Rose
Blurry Vision
Boneless Ribs
Books On Tape
Border Control
Boring Court Jester
Boring Entertainment
Born Dead
Boxing Ring
Boyish Grandpa
Brain Fart
Brave Politician
Brave Wimp
Brief Journey
Brief Speech
Brief Survey
Briefing
Bright Night
Bright Rain
Bright Shade
Brilliantly Dull
British Humor
Broad Minded
Budget Deficit
Buffalo Wings
Bug Fix
Bug-Free Code
Bug-Free Software
Build Down
Bull Riding
Buried Alive
Burning Cold
Business Casual
Business Ethics
Butthead

Cafeteria Food
Calculated Error
Calculated Risk
Calculated Spontaneity
California Culture
California Expressway
California Style
Calm Storm
Calm Winds
Camping Resort
Canadian Bacon
Canned Fresh
Cardinal Sin
Caring Republican
Casual Chic
Casual Dress
Casual Formality
Casual Intimacy
Casual Sex
Casually Concerned
Catfish
Cautiously Optimistic
Cavalier Concern
Center Around
Central Intelligence Agency
Centrally-Planned Economy
Certain Risk
Certainly Unsure
Chaotic Organization
Cheap Diamond
Cheap Gas
Cheerful Pessimist
Cheerful Undertaker
Cheerfully Cynical
Cheerfully Mournful
Cheese Steak
Cherokee Pioneer
Chicken Fajitas
Childproof
Chilling Fever
Chinese Chop Suey
Chocolate ‘Nilla Wafers
Christian Evolutionist
Christian Gangster
Christian Militia
Christian Scientist
CIA Cooperation
Civil Disobedience
Civil Engineer
Civil Litigation
Civil Servant
Civil Service
Civil Strife
Civil War
Civilized Warfare
Classic New Homes
Classic Rock & Roll
Clean Air
Clean Boy
Clean Coal
Clean Dirt
Clean Kill
Clean Litter
Clean Oil
Clean Toilet
Clear As Mud
Clearly Ambiguous
Clearly Confused
Clearly Misunderstood
Clever Fool
Click The Start Button To Shut Down
Clinton Principles
Climb Down
Clogged Drain
Close Distance
Cluster Bomb
Co-Ed Fraternity
Co-Ed Sorority
Cold Fever
Cold Hotdog
Cold Sweat
Cold Toast
Collective Liberty
College Algebra
College Education
College Student
Color Blindness
Colorless Kaleidoscope
Combative Apology
Comedic Tragedy
Comfortable Bra
Comfortable Neckbrace
Comfortable Tights
Commercial Art
Committed Schedule
Committee Decision
Committee Schedule
Common Abnormality
Common Courtesy
Common Difference
Common Sense
Common Phenomenon
Communist Party
Comparatively Unique
Compassionate Conservative
Compassionate Editor
Compassionate Management
Complete Separation
Completed Research
Completed Website
Completely Destroyed
Completely Educated
Completely Succinct
Completely Unfinished
Component Parts
Compulsory Volunteers
Computer Jock
Computer Science
Conciliation Court
Concrete Pad
Confident Fear
Congressional Accountability
Congressional Action
Congressional Cooperation
Congressional Ethics
Congressional Oversight
Congressional Responsibility
Congressional Wisdom
Conscripted Volunteer
Conservative Democrat
Conservative Liberal
Considerate Boss
Consistent Discrepancies
Consistent Uncertainties
Consistently Inconsistent
Conspicuously Absent
Constant Change
Constant Infrequent
Constant Variable
Constructive Ambiguity
Constructive Attitude
Constructive Criticism
Constructive Negativity
Continuing Resolution
Contra Aid
Contra Assistance
Controlled Enthusiasm
Controlled Chaos
Controlled Skeptic
Controlled Market Economy
Convenience Store
Conventional Wisdom
Convergent Evolution
Corporate Conscience
Corporate Culture
Corporate Ethics
Corporate Family
Corporate Planning
Correctional Institution
Council Action
Countless Numbers
Country Music
Cowardly Lion
Crash Landing
Creation Science
Creative Destruction
Criminal Cop
Criminal Justice
Criminal Mastermind
Criminal System
Crisis Management
Critical Acclaim
Cruel Kindness
Cryocaustic
Current History
Curved Line
Customer Satisfaction
Customer Service

Daily Special
Dangerously Safe
Dark Day
Dark Light
Dark Star
Dark Victory
Dead Livestock
Dead Right
Deaf Listener
Deafening Silence
Death Benefits
Debugged Program
Decent Lawyer
Defensive Strike
Deficit Spending
Definite Maybe
Degradable Plastic
Deliberate Mistake
Deliberate Speed
Deliberately Thoughtless
Delicious Torment
Demanding Patient
Democratic Congress
Democratic Leadership
Democratic Machine
Department Of Interior
Deregulation Law
Designer Beer
Designer Jeans
Desktop Publishing
Detailed Summary
Devilish Angel
Devout Atheist
Diet Ice Cream
Different Pattern
Diligent Sloth
Diminished Confidence
Diminishing Growth
Diminutive Giants
Dim Light
Dimwit
Dining Hall Food
Direct Circumvention
Disaster Preparedness
Disciplined Gluttony
Discretionary Rules
Disposable Income
Disposable Products With A Lifetime Guarantee
Distant Relative
Divided Unions
Divided Unity
Divorce Court
Dodge Ram
Doing Nothing
Dollar Value
Domestic Bliss
Domestic Cooperation
Domestic Violence
Doorstop
Double Solitaire
Doubting Believers
Drawing A Blank
Dress Pants
Dressy Casual
Driving Pleasure
Droning Silence
Dry Beer
Dry Creek
Dry Humor
Dry Ice
Dry Lake
Dry Martini
Dry Pond
Dry Snow
Dry Wine
Dull Acupuncturists
Dull Knife
Dull Needle
Dull Roar
Dull Shine
Dying Is A Part Of Life
Dynamic Monotone
Dynamic Stability

Easy Labor (childbirth)
Easy Payments
Easy Problem
Easy Task
Easy To Follow Directions
Economic Forecast
Economic Reform
Economic Stability
Educated Consumer
Educated Guess
Educational Administration
Educational Television
Educational TV
Effective Compassion
Eggplant
Elected King
Elementary Calculus
Elevated Subway
Elevator Shoes
Elite Rabble
Eloquent Silence
Energetic Exhaustion
Enough Time
Enormously Small
Enquiring Minds
Entertaining Sermon
Enthusiastic Indifference
Entire Portion
Environmentalist Bumpersticker
Equally Diverse
Equal Justice
Equal Opportunity
Ergonomic Keyboard
Escaped Inmate
Eschew Obfuscation
Essential Luxury
Essential Service
Eternal Life
Ethical Hackers
Ethiopian Feast
Ethnic Cleansing
European Community
Evaporated Milk
Even Odds
Evolutionary Fact
Evolutionary Technology
Evolutionary Theory
Exact Estimate
Executive Assistant
Executive Decision

Executive Secretary
Expected Serendipity
Expected Surprise
Expect The Unexpected
Explicit Innuendo
Explicitly Ambiguous
Express Bus
Express Line
Express Mail
Express Ways
Expressive Silence
Extended Deadline
Extended Limits
Extensive Briefing
Extinct Life Form
Extra Ordinary
Extra Money
Extra Time
Extremely Average
Extremely Bland
Extremely Neutral
Eyes Wide Shut

Faculty Cooperation
Faculty Understanding
Fail Safe
Fair Reporting
Fair Trial
Fairly Accurate
Fairly Explicit
Fairly Obvious
Fallout Shelter
False Fact
False Hope
False Reality
Family Entertainment
Family Planning
Family Vacation
Famous-Anonymous
Fan Fatale
Farewell Reception
Fast Basic
Fast Food
Fast Idle
Fast Snail
Fast Turtle
Fast Waiter
Fast Walk
Fast Mail Service
Fatally Injured
Fat-Free Cream Cheese
Faultily Faultless
fearful bravery
Featherweight
Federal Budget
Feeling Numb
Fellow Women
Female Gunman
Fiber Glass
Fictional Truth
Fictional Reality
Fiery Ice
Fighting For Peace
Filing System
Final Conclusion
Final Draft
Final Version
Finally Again
Financially Strong Savings And Loan Associations And Banks
Fine Mess
Fire Water
Firm Estimate
Firm Maybe
Firm Pillow
First Annual
First Conclusions
First Deadline
First String Secondary
First-Strike Defense
Fish Farm
Flat-Breasted
Flat-Busted
Flexible Ethics
Flexible Freeze (in economics)
Floating To The Bottom
Flood Control
Floppy Disk
Flurry Of Inactivity
Flying Fish
Foolproof Instructions
Football Scholarship
Foreign National
Foreign Policy Continuity
Forgotten Memories
Former Native
Former President-For-Life
Forth Programming Language
Forward Back
Forward Lateral
Found Missing
Free Credit
Free Election
Free Gift
Free Labor
Free Love
Free Market
Free Prisoner
Free Purchase
Free Rent
Free Society
Free Trade Agreement
Free With Purchase
Freezer Burn
French Deodorant
French Resistance
Fresh Cheese
Fresh Dried Fruit
Fresh From Concentrate
Fresh Frozen
Fresh Prunes
Fresh Raisins
Fresh Sour Cream
Fresh Yogurt
Fresh-Frozen
Fried Ice Cream
Fried Roast
Friendly Advice
Friendly Argument
Friendly Competitor
Friendly Divorce
Friendly Enemy
Friendly Fights
Friendly Fire
Friendly Suit (legal)
Friendly Takeover
Friendly War
Frightening Comfort Front End
Frozen Food
Frozen Waterfall
Frugal Gourmet
Full Service
Full-Time Hobby
Full Vacuum (as in a vacuum that needs a new bag)
Fully Empty
Functional Illiterate
Functioning Alcoholic
Funky White Guy
Funny Clean Joke
Future History
Fuzzy Logic

Garage Apartment
Gargantuan Lilliputian
Genuine Imitation
Gentle Turbulence
Gentleman Bandit
Genuine Fake
Genuine Imitation
Genuine(ly) Fake
Genuine-Imitation Leather
Giant Dwarf
Giant Midget
Gigantic Microorganism
Girly Man
Glacier-Like Rapidity
Global Village
Go Ahead, Back Up
Golf Fashion
Gold Silverware
Going Nowhere
Good Beating
Good Cigar
Good Clean Fun
Good Fast Food
Good Garbage
Good Grief
Good Junk
Good Lawyer
Good Loser
Good Morning
Good Profanity
Good Stuff
Gourmet Fast Food
Gourmet Hamburger
Gourmet Pizza
Gourmet Sandwich
Government Aid
Government Assistance
Government Efficiency
Government Integrity
Government Initiative
Government Intelligence
Government Organization
Government Worker
Governmental Efficiency
Graduate Student
Grand Children
Grape Nuts
Graphic Language
Graphite Irons
Great Depression
Greater Cleveland
Greater Evil
Green Blackberries
Green Manufacturing
Green Oranges
Gregarious Recluse
Grotesque Beauty
Grounded Airplane
Group Of Individuals
Grow Down
Growing Small
Guaranteed Forecast
Guest Host
Gummily Brittle
Gun Safe
Gunboat Diplomacy

Hair Growth
Haitian Former President-For-Life Jean-Claude Duvalier
Half Dead
Half Dressed
Half Empty
Half Full
Half Naked
Half True
Halfway Done
Ham Steak
Hamburger Steak
Handgun Safety
Happily Married
Happy Apathy
Happy Demise
Happy Fault
Happy Monday
Happy Pessimist
Hard Curve
Hard Cushion
Hard Liquor
Hard Pillow
Hard Roll
Hard Water
Harmless Abuse
Harmless Crime
Harmless Lie
Harmless Pollution
Harmless Pornography
Harmless Sin
Harmonious Discord
Hasten Slowly
Hazardous Waste Disposal
Head Butt
Health-Care System
Healthful-City Environment
Healthy Chocolate
Healthy City Environment
Healthy Competition
Healthy Tan
Heartfelt Politics
Heavy Gas
Heifer Bull
Helicopter Flight
Hell’s Angels
Here And There
Higher Ground
Higher Education
Highly Visible Covert Operation
High-Speed Computer
Hilarious Funeral
History Of The Future
Historical Current Event
Holistic Healing
Hollow Point
Holy Hell
Holy Land
Holy Roman Empire
Holy War
Home Office
Home School
Homeopathic Medicine
Homework
Honest Bureaucratic Snafu
Honest Convict
Honest Crook
Honest Craft
Honest Insurance Companies
Honest Liar
Honest Politician
Honest Thief
Hopeful Pessimist
Hopelessly Optimistic
Horribly Decent
Horse Fly
Hospital Food
Hot Chili
Hot Ice / Icy Hot
Hot Water Heater
House Boat
House Ethics Committee
Huge Market Niche
Huge Shortage
Human Evolution
Human Robot
Humane Robotics
Humane Slaughter
Humane War
Humanitarian Invasion
Humble Opinion
Hypothetical Situations
Hyundai Excel

IBM Compatible
IBM-Apple Compatible
Ice Water
Icy Hot
Idiot Savant
Idly Laborious
Ignorant Professor
Ill Fortune
Ill Health
Immigration Control
Impatient Patient
Important Trivia
Inarticulate Writer
Include Me Out
Income Tax
Incomplete Cure
Increasing Declines
Increasingly Little
Incredibly Common
Incredibly Dull
Incredibly Real
Indecent Exposure
Indifferently Attentive
Indirect Communication
Industrial Park
Inexpensive Car
Inexpensive House
Inexpensive Medical Care
Information Superhighway
Initial Conclusion
Initial Results
Initial Retirement
Innocent Bureaucratic
Blunder Innocent Criminal
Insane Logic
Insanely Normal
Insomniac Dreams
Inside Out
Insincere Thanks
Insincere Vow
Instant Classic
Instant Folk Hero
Intelligent Fight
Intellectual Intercourse
Intelligent News Coverage
Intense Apathy
Intense Disinterest
Internet Security
Interested Students
Interest Free Loan
Internal Exile
Internal Revenue Service
Intimate Murder
Intimate Strangers
Invisible Ink
Irate Patient
Ironwood

IBM Compatible
IBM-Apple Compatible
Ice Water
Icy Hot
Idiot Savant
Idly Laborious
Ignorant Professor
Ill Fortune
Ill Health
Immigration Control
Impatient Patient
Important Trivia
Inarticulate Writer
Include Me Out
Income Tax
Incomplete Cure
Increasing Declines
Increasingly Little
Incredibly Common
Incredibly Dull
Incredibly Real

Indecent Exposure
Indifferently Attentive
Indirect Communication
Industrial Park
Inexpensive Car
Inexpensive House
Inexpensive Medical Care
Information Superhighway
Initial Conclusion
Initial Results
Initial Retirement
Innocent Bureaucratic
Blunder Innocent Criminal
Insane Logic
Insanely Normal
Insomniac Dreams
Inside Out
Insincere Thanks
Insincere Vow
Instant Classic
Instant Folk Hero
Intelligent Fight
Intellectual Intercourse
Intelligent News Coverage
Intense Apathy
Intense Disinterest
Internet Security
Interested Students
Interest Free Loan
Internal Exile
Internal Revenue Service
Intimate Murder
Intimate Strangers
Invisible Ink
Irate Patient
Ironwood

Jet Lag
Jews For Jesus
Job Security
Journalistic Integrity
Joyful Trouble
Jumbo Shrimp
Jump Start
Jungle Gym
Junior Senator
Junk Bonds
Junk Food
Just Friends
Just War
Justice Rehnquist
Justice Thomas
Justifiable Genocide
Justifiably Paranoid
Justified Rape

Known-Covert Operation
Known Secret
Kosher Ham

Lace-Up Loafers
Lady-Mud Wrestler
Ladies Man
Laid-Back Compulsive
Lame Skills
Lamp Shade
Land Developer
Land Development
Large Ant
Larger Half
Last Initial
Lasting Aid
Lean Pork
Least Favorite
Legal Ethics
Legal Justice
Legally Drunk
Legitimate Conspiracy
Legitimate Politics
Legitimate Ruler
Lemon Lime
Less Is More
Lesser Evil
Lesser Good
Liberal Bias
Liberal Conservative
Liberal Fundamentalists
Liberal Republican
Light Armor
Light-Heavyweight
Lightweight
Light Traffic
Limited Edition Print
Limited Immunity
Limited Incursion
Limited Lifetime Guarantee
Limited Freedom
Limited Nuclear War
Linear Curve
Liquid Crystal
Liquid Gas
Liquid Metal
Liquid Natural Gas
Liquid Smoke
Lite Beer
Literal Interpretation
Literary Illiterates
Little Big
Little Big Horn
Little Bit Big
Little Deceptive
Little Giant
Live Recording
Live Television
Living Dead
Living End
Living Fossil
Living Will
Local Long Distance
Local Network
Locks On 7-11 Stores Which Are Open 24 Hours A Day, 365 Days A Year
Loners Club
Long And Short Of It
Long Brief (for lawyers)
Long Island Expressway
Long Recess
Long Shorts
Long Sleeve Y-Shirt
Loose Knot
Loose Tights
Loquacious Librarian
Loss Prevention Specialist
Loud Librarian
Loud Whisper
Loud Silence
Love Crime
Love-Hate Relationship
Lovers’ Quarrel
Low Altitude
Low Insurance Rates
Low Tax
Lower Inflation
Low-Fat
Low-Fat Ice Cream
Low-Intensity Conflict
Low-Rise
Loyal Opposition
Lucky Stiff
Luke-Warm Enthusiasm
Luxury Beer
Luxury Bus
Luxury Compact

Macro-Microorganism
Mail Delivery
Major Minority
Male Compassion
Male Lady Bug
Man Child
Managed Competition
Management Action
Management Science
Management Style
Management Support
Mandatory Elective
Mandatory Judgment
Mandatory Option
Mandatory Volunteerism
Mannish Woman
Marijuana Initiative
Marital Bliss
Marketing Strategy
Married life
Martial Law
Mass Customization
Massively Thin
Master Slave
Maternity Fashion
Mature Student
Maxi Thins
Mean Smile
Meaningful Nonsense
Meaningful-Overnight Relationship
Meatless Meat
Medicaid Payment
Medium Large
Medium Rare
Medium Well
Melted Ice
Mercy Killing
Metal Woods (it’s a golf thing)
Metaphysics
Mexican American
Micro-Mainframe
Microsoft Works
Middle East
Middle East Peace
Midnight Sun
Mighty Weak
Mild Abrasive
Mild Cigar
Mild Interest
Mild Jalepeno
Mild Mannered Reporter
Mild PMS
Mildly Psychotic
Militant Pacifist
Military Accountability
Military Intelligence
Military Justice
Military Peace
Military System
Mind-Expanding Drugs
Mini Jumbo
Minor Crisis
Minor Disaster
Minor Miracle
Miracle Drug
Misanthropic Humanitarian
Missing Present
Mobile Home
Mobile House
Mobil™ Station
Modern Art
Modern History
Modern Maturity
Modern Tradition
Modestly Arrogant
Modified-Final Judgement
Monoglottal Babble
Monopoly (Mono Poly)
Montana Freemen
Moral Majority
Morbid Humor
More Perfect
More Unique
Motorcycle Safety
Mournful Optimist
Moving Target
Much Less
Mud Bath
Multiplying Divisions
Muscular Fat
Mute Sound
Mutual Attraction
Mutual Differences
Mutually Exclusive
My Worst Favorite

Nameless Celebrity
Nasty Politeness
National Medicare Program
Native American
Natural Additives
Natural Artifact
Natural Makeup
Natural Synthetic
Near Future
Near Miss
Nearly Complete
Neat Mess
Neat Office
Necessary Evil
Negative Gain
Negative Growth (economic recession)
Negative Impact
Negative Momentum
Neolithic (New Stone Age) Period
Net Security
Neutral Charge
Never Again
Never Generalize
New And Improved
New Antique (New Antiques Arriving Daily!)
New Archeology
New Classic
New Cliche
New Democrat
New Improved
New Mexico
New Routine
New Tradition
New Used Cars
Nice And Sleazy
Night Light
Night Vision
Noble Savage
No Comment
No-Good Do-Gooder
Noiseless Sound
Noisy Mime
Non-Alcoholic Beer
Non-Alcoholic Wine
Non-Dairy Creamer
Non-Denominational Church
Non-Fat Cream
Non-Fat Ice Cream
Non-Profit Organizations
Non-Stick Glue
Non-Stick Gum
Non-Stick Velcro
Non-Stop Flight
Non-Toxic Bug Spray
Non-Working Mother
Normal Deviation
Normal Espionage
Normal Human
Nothing Much
Now, Then
Nuclear Defense
Numb Feeling
Numbing Sensation

Obedient Defiance
Objective Morality
Objective Opinion
Objective Parent
Objective Rating
Obscene Art
Obvious Secret
Obviously Concealed
Ocean Shore
Oddly Appropriate
Oddly Natural
Office Park
Old Boy
Old Newborn
Old News
One Choice
One Hundred Percent Chance
One Hundred Percent Plus
One Hundred And Ten Percent
One-Man Band
One Person Crew
One Size Fits All
Once Again
Only Choice
Open End
Open Lock
Open Marriage
Open Minded
Open Secret
Open-Book Test
Operating System (Computer)
Opposite Attraction
Opposites Attract
Orderly Confusion
Organized Anarchy
Organized Chaos
Organized Committee
Organized Confusion
Organized Mess
Original Reprint
Original Copy
Original Reproduction
Outer Core
Oven Fried
Oxymoron
Oyster Crackers

Pacific Ocean
Paid Volunteer
Painless Torture
Painless Dentistry
Paper Tablecloth
Paper Towel
Paperless Office
Parallel Connection
Park Drive
Parents Without Partners
Partial Cease-Fire
Partial Conclusion
Partial Silence
Partial Success
Partial Victory
Partially Completed
Partially Destroyed
Partially Organized
Partly Pregnant
Passive Aggression
Passive Challenge
Passive Confrontation
Passively Aggressive
Passively Tried
Past Prediction
Patriotic Militia
Peace Benefits
Peace Force
Peace Keeper Missile
Peace Offensive
Peace Officer
Peace Riot
Peaceful Liberation
Peaceful Protests
Peaceful War
Peacekeeper Missile
Peacekeeping Force
Peace Maker Missle
Peasant King
Peer Pressure
Perfect Idiot
Perfect Misfit
Perfect Mistake
Perfectly Awful
Perfectly Normal
Perfectly Ridiculous
Perfect Screw-Up
Permanent Guest Host
Permanent Substitute
Persistent Ambivalence
Personal Business
Personal Computer
Personalized Form Letter
Pet Cat
Pet Fish
Petty Cash
Peoples’ Republic Of China
Pianoforte
Pigeon’s Milk
Pious Atheist
Plain Buttered Bagels
Planned Exodus
Planned Serendipity
Planned Spontaneity
Plastic Flowers
Plastic Glasses
Plastic Lemons
Plastic Silverware
Plastic Straw
Plastic Wood
Player Coach
Player Piano
Pleasant Hell
Pleasantly Confused
Pleasing Pain
Police Protection
Polite Insult
Polite Salesman
Politely Insulting
Political Cooperation
Political Ethics
Political Leadership
Political Promise
Political Science
Political Solutions
Political Trust
Politically Correct
Pool Table
Poor Intelligence
Poor Rich Kid
Population Control
Positive Resistance
Positively Negative
Positively Wrong
Post Feminist
Post Modern
Postal Efficiency
Postal Service
Pretty Ugly
Pot Luck
Powdered Water
Practical Experience
Practical Joke
Practical Parenting
Practice Test
Precision Bombing
Precious Junk
Precision Thinking
Predictably Random
Preemptive Self-Defense
Preliminary Conclusion
Preliminary Final
Premeditated Spontaneity
Presently Gone
Presidential Promises
Press Release
Pretty Bad
Pretty Disgusting
Pretty Ugly
Preventable Death
Previous History
Priceless Junk
Prison Life
Private Citizen
Private Community
Private E-Mail
Private Public Record
Problem Solved
Pro-Contra
Procrastinate Now
Productivity Committee
Professional Wrestling
Progressing Backward
Progressive Conservative
Pronounced Silence
Proprietary Standard
Proud Humility
Psychiatric Care
Public Opinion
Public School Education
Public Schools
Public Secret
Public Service
Pure 100% Orange Juice From Concentrate
Pure .999
Pure Evil
Pure Dirt
Pure Speculation

Qualified Success
Quebec Intellectual
Questionable Answer
Quick Fix
Quick Reboot (computer)
Quicksand
Quickly Slowing Down
Quiet Hurricanes
Quiet Loudspeaker
Quiet Noise
Quiet Revolution
Quiet Riot
Quiet Scream
Quiet Storm
Quiet Tirade
Quiet Yell

R & D (research and development)
Radical Center
Random Logic
Random Order
Randomly Organized
Random Pattern
Rap Artist
Rapid Transit
Rare Steak
Rarely Done
Rational Ravings
Reagan Democrat
Reagan Memoirs
Real Fantasy
Real Magic
Real Phony
Real Polyester
Real Potential
Realistic Fantasy
Realistic Liberal
Realistic Schedule
Realistic Simulation
Reality Television
Reasonable Attorney Fees
Reasonable Fees
Reasonable Medical Fees
Reasonable Pharmaceutical Costs
Rebel Without A Cause
Recent History
Recently New
Reckless Caution
Recoilless Rifle
Recorded Live
Re-Create
Recreational Burning
Recycling Dump
Red Licorice
Regional Pantheists
Regular Special
Rehearsed Improvisation
Relative Stranger
Relative Truth
Religious Education
Relaxation Exercise
Religious Right
Religious Tolerance
Remotely Obvious
Removable Sticker
Renegade Lawmakers
Representative Democracy
Required Donation
Republican Party
Required Elective
Resident Alien
Resolute Ambivalence
Restless Sleep
Restrained Grandparent
Retired Worker
Rich Country, Poor People
Rising Deficits
Roaring Silence
Rock Opera
Rogue Cop
Rolling Stop
Roomy Airline-Coach Seats
Round Corner
Round Edges
Routine Emergency
Routine Surgery
Rubber Bones
Rubber Cement
Rules Of War
Running Idle
Running In Place
Rush Hour
Rustic Elegance
Russian Economy

Sad Clown
Sad Optimist
Sad Smile
Sadly Amused
Sadly Funny
Safe And Sane Fireworks
Safe Bet
Safe Guns
Safe Investment
Safe Sex
Safe Weapons
Safety Hazard
Same Difference
Sanitary Landfill
Sanitary Napkin
Sanitary Sewer
Savings & Loan
Scalding Coolness
Scheduled Spontaneity
School System
School Vacation
Science Fiction
Scientific Belief
Scientific Consensus
Scientific Creationism
Scientific Speculation
Scottish Danish (actual pastry sold at 7-11)
Screaming In Silence
Screaming Silence
Scripted Spontaneity
Sea Farming
Seashore
Second Best
Second Initial
Secret FBI Files
Secret Rumor
Secretarial Science
Security, On-Line Security
Sedate Sex
Self-Help Group
Self-Taught
Semi-Boneless
Semiprecious
Semiprivate
Semiprofessional
Semiretired
Senate Ethics Committee
Senate Intelligence Committee
Sensitive Guy
Serial Monogamous
Serious Clown
Serious Comic
Serious Fun
Serious Humor
Seriously Funny
Service Station
Severely Killed
Shabby Chic
Shared Monopoly
Sharp Curve
Short Distance
Short Giant
Short Survey
Short Tall Tales
Shout In A Whisper
Shouting Whispers
Shyly Pompous
Sight Unseen
Silent Alarm
Silent Applause
Silent Barber
Silent Cacophony
Silent Noise
Silent Scream
Silent Sound
Silent Speech
Silent Testimony
Silent Women
Silent Yell
Simple Calculus
Simple Computers
Simple Confusion
Simple Procedure
Simple Plan
Simple Technology
Simply Confusing
Simply Superb
Sincere Lie
Sinfully Good
Single Copy
Single Diversity (a type of wireless microphone)
Single Pair
Single Thought
Singular Relationship
Sit Up
Sitting Up
Skinny Broad
Slave Master
Sleep Vigorously
Sleeper Hit
Slight Exaggeration
Slight Hernia
Slight Surprise
Slightly Overweight
Slightly Pregnant
Slightly-Used-Dental Floss
Slow And Steady Rush
Slow Children (as seen on a street sign)
Slow Jet
Slow Jog
Slow Speed
Slow-Motion Explosion
Slumber Party
Slumdog Millionaire
Smart Fool
Small Crowd
Small Fortune
Small Giant
Small World
Smaller Half
Smart Bomb
Smart Dork
Smart Drugs
Smart Windows User
Smokeless Cigarette
Snow-White Tan
Soaring Down
Sober Drunk
Social Hermit
Social Outcast
Social Science
Social Security
Socialist Market Economy
Socialist Worker
Soft Porn
Soft Rock
Soft Thunder
Software Documentation
Software Manual
Solid Rumor
Solo Voncert
Solo Ensemble
Somewhat Awesome
Somewhat Destroyed
Somewhat Functional
Somewhat Legal
Sound Of Silence
Sound-Filled Silence
Southern Justice
Sour Cream
Soviet Economy
Soviet Union
Spare Rib
Specialize In Everything
Specifically Vague
Spectator Sport
Speed Bump
Speed Limit
Spendthrift
Splendidly Dull
Spoken Thought
Squared Circle (wrestling term)
Stable Economic Policies
Staged Accident
Stand Down
Stand Fast
Standard Deviation
Start Stopping
Static Variable
State Development
State Worker
Stationary Bike
Stationary Orbit
Stealth Bomber
Steel Wool
Still Moving
Still Wind
Stop Action
Straight Angle
Straight Hook
Straight-Forward
Stripper’s Dressing Room
Subterfuge
Strangely Familiar
Strategic Withdrawal
String Cheese
Stripper's Dressing Room
Strong Decaf
Structured C Program
Student Athlete
Student Teacher
Studious Students
Study Break
Study Outside
Stunted Growth
Stupid Genius
Subjective Data
Subtle Exaggeration
Subversive Compliance
Successful Suicide
Sugarless Candy
Suicide Victim
Summer School
Sun Shade
Sun Shower
Super Information Highway
Superette
Supporting Documentation
Sure Bet
Sure Fire Tip
Sure Guess
Sweet And Sour
Sweet Pickle
Sweet Sorrow
Sweet Tart
Swiss Steak
Swiss Army
Synthetic Natural Gas
Systematic Chaos
Systematic Disorder
Systematic Variance

Taliban Intelligence
Talk Show
Talking Mime
Tame Beast
Tame Cat
Taped Live
Targeted Spam
Tax Cut
Tax Relief
Tax Return
Tax Simplification
Tax-Free
Teacher Union
Telepresence
Temporary Finish
Temporary Tax Increase
Tense Calm
Tentative Conclusion
Tentative Decision
Terminal Initialization
Terribly Enjoyable
Terribly Good
Terribly Nice
Terribly Pleased
Terrific Headache
Texas Chic
Thank God I’m An Atheist
Thinking Out Loud
The Grateful Dead
The Peace War
This Page Intentionally Left Blank
Thunderous Silence
Tight Slacks
Timeless Moment
Titanium Woods
Tiny Mountain
Tiny Tank
To Infinity And Beyond
Toll Free
Tomorrow Today
Tomorrows’ Headlines Today
Top Floor
Totalitarian Democracy
Totally Partial
Tough Love
Traditionally Radical
Traffic Flow
Tragic Comedy
Train Schedule
Tranquil Fiesta
Transient Stability
Traumatic Bonding
Tremendously Small
Troubled Paradise
Truck Farm
True Counterfeit
True Fiction
True Gossip
True Illusion
True Lies
True Story
Truth In Advertising
Truthful Tabloids
Turbo Diesel
Turkey Ham
Turned Up Missing
Twelve-Ounce Pound Cake

UN Designated Safe Haven Unbelievably Real
Unbiased Journalism
Unbiased News Report
Unbiased Opinion
Unbiased Predisposition
Uncommonly Common
Uncommonly Normal
Uncontested Divorce
Uncrowned King
Under Abundance
Understanding Editors
Understanding Unix
Undocumented Report
Unfunny Joke
Unhappily Married
Uninvited Guest
Union Workers
United Anarchist
United Divisions
United Nations
University Funding
Unique Uniforms
Unknown Identity
Unknown Knowledge
Up And Died
Upcoming Downtrend
Upside Down
Unrepeatable Pleonasm
Unsalted Saltines
Unsellable Stock
Unsolved Mystery
Unspoken Suggestion
Unsung Hero
Unthaw
Unusual Routine
Unwanted Baby
Unwelcome Greetings
Unwelcome Recess
Urban Cowboy
Useful Oxymoron
User Friendly
Usually Unusual
Usually Spectacular

Vacation Bible School
Valuable Junk
Vanilla Fudge
Veiled Accusation
Vegetarian Meatball
Venial Sin
Ventura Freeway
Vibrating Ringtone
Vices Of Our Virtues
Victimless Crime
Vigorously Ignoring
Violent Agreement
Virgin Birth
Virtual Life
Virtual Reality
Voluntary Taxes
Voodoo Science

Waking Dream
Waiting Patiently
Waning Crescent
War And Peace
War Games
Warm Ice
Waste Management
Waterproof Sponge
Weak Muscle
Wealthy Professor
Weapons Of Peace
Weather Forecaster
Wedded Bliss
Weekday
Well-Preserved Ruins
Wet Drywall
We’re Alone
Wheeled Walker
White Chocolate
White Gold
White Lie
White Night
White Rose
Whole Half
Whole Hemisphere
Whole Part
Whole Piece
Whole Percentage
Wholesome
Wicked Good
Wickedly Good
Wilderness Management
Willful Negligence
Wind Burn
Windows NT (New Technology)
Windows XP (Extra Performance)
Wireless Cable
Wisdom Of Congress
Wise Fool
Withheld Contribution
Wordless Book
Work Party
Working Breakfast
Working Hobby
Working Lunch
Working Vacation

Xenophobic Foreign Secretary

Young Adult
Young Sixty

Zero Deficit



Return from Funny Oxymorons to Funny Words