Funny Excuses For Being Late

I was surprised to find out that 20% of workers are late to work at least once a week. Apart from public transportation, other excuses are lack of sleep which counts for 24% of workers, followed by 10% who claim that childcare and having to get children ready for school slows them down.

If you had grown up with me, you would never need an excuse for being late. My Mom always told us that, "It's better to be an hour early than one minute late!"

Maybe that's why we always got the choice seats at every event. Now to think of it, we always got to set up the seats for the event.

I love my Mom. She taught me some great principles in living life. I'm learning some of them on my watch, now that I'm in my mid-50's.

Here we go. You now have no excuse for not having a good excuse for being late.

“Is it Spring forward or Spring back?”

“I made the mistake of letting in some Jehovah's Witnesses and they wouldn't leave.”

“I most likely will not be coming in today, I've spent my last dime playing online bingo and I don't have any money left for the bus ride. I'll try to win it back today while I'm off!”

“You should have told me to be here on time.”

“I won't be in to work today on time. My brain is full.”

“I super-glued my eye thinking it was contact solution.”

“When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-Lax tablets in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the commode, but I feel really good about it.”

“That's all right, it's not my fault; all I need is some more training.“

“I got locked in my trunk by my son.”

“I won't be coming in to work today. My wife informed me that she is going to conceive today, and I really want to be there when it happens.”

“I was abducted by aliens. After being transported to the mother ship, the aliens decided not to suck out my brains. They sent me back home.”

“I put some miracle grow on my chia pet last night and this morning....well, have you ever seen The Day of the Triffids?”

“I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.”

“My car ran out of gas on the way to work. I had to push it to a gas station. I think I got a stomach hernia and I have to go to see a doctor.”

“My heat was shut off so I had to stay home to keep my snake warm.”

“Do you know how long it takes to give a dollar to every Santa you see?”

"I can’t come to work today because my cat is very lonely and stressed out. If I don't spend some quality time with him, he will keep peeing on the furniture!"

“I’m late because my dad was punishing my younger brother. He was beating him with my shoes.”

“I won't be able to be at work next week . Me and the Mrs. are trying for a baby and the doc says next week is our best chance.”

“My dog died and I had to take him to the vet to get cremated.”

“The line was too long at Starbucks.”

“I was up all night arguing with God.”

"I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.”

“I had to feed my pet piranha.”

“I wasn’t thinking and accidentally went to my old job.”

“I was taking a telephone survey and lost track of the time.”

“I saw a fire truck as I was coming to work and went home to make sure my house wasn’t on fire.”

“I tried to catch the newspaper from the paperboy and the car keys flew out of my hand and over into the bushes, so, I had to search for 20 minutes just to find them.”

“I was losing my mind this morning. It took me a half hour to find it.”

“It’s all Obama’s fault. He’s responsible for everything that is going wrong in the world. At least that’s what my dad tells me. You wouldn’t want to disagree with my dad. He’s six feet tall and weighs two hundred forty pounds. He’d pound you for sure.”

"The bartender wouldn't let me leave."

“I saw Elvis.”

“My husband thinks it's funny to hide my car keys before he goes to work.”

“I've used up all of my sick days so I'm calling in dead.”

“Sorry my AA meeting ran a little long.”

“My hamster died. I had to plan for his funeral.”

“I had to go audition for American Idol.”

I had to wait for the Fed-Ex guy. My Richard Simmons: Sweatin' to the Oldies DVD arrived today. I can loan it to you if you want.

“Someone was following me, and I drove all around town trying to lose them.”

“My watch was set to Tokyo time.”

“You mean I have to show up to work everyday?”

“I thought this was a Jewish holiday.”

“My bank card got stuck in the card swipe at Sears.”

“I was waiting for my deodorant to dry.”

“I know I'm late. I will make an "extra special" effort next week.”

“I have a bit of a slight problem. I got the end of a Q-tip stuck in my ear and have to go to the ER to get it removed.”

“Is it Fall forward or Fall back?”

“While rowing across the river to work, I got lost in the fog.”

“I dropped my glass eye down the drain and have to wait, for someone to retrieve it for me.”

“Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.”

“I was dreaming about a basketball game, and it went into overtime.”

“I had to turn around halfway here because I drove off and left my gas cap on top of the gas pump.”

“I had to take out the garbage and accidentally placed my son's pet hamster in one of the bags.”

"I'm not late. I decided to change my hours to make them more convenient."

“Sorry, I over slept and I forgot to come in for my first day of work at my new job. Is it OK to come in at the regular time tomorrow?”

“I was trying to get my gun back from the police.”

“The bridge is stuck up and won’t come back down. If I drive around to the boat I will be another hour.”

“My alarm clock kept going off while I was asleep.”

“My husband re-tarred our driveway earlier today so I couldn't get my car out until it dried.”

"My Anal Glaucoma was acting up. I just didn't see my butt coming in on time."

“My braces locked with my boyfriend as we kissed each other. I had to get my girlfriend to help put us apart. It was quite a scene.”

“I drove to the place I'd rather work at by mistake.”

“I walked into a spider web on the way out the door and couldn't find the spider, so I had to go inside and shower again.”

“I was on time but then I saw the sign on the road outside school that said "children slow" so I couldn't rush.”

“The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.”

“My wife is too sick to get out of bed, so I'm planning on staying home to take care of her.”

“You didn't call to wake me up.”

“I feel like I'm in everyone's way if I show up on time.”

“I ran into a parade.”

“I didn't have money for gas because all of the pawn shops were closed.”

“I was indicted for securities fraud this morning.”

"The traffic lights were mistimed on my way in."

“I’ll be in later this morning. My girlfriend’s husband is dying and I have to be there to console her.”

“Your watch must be fast.”

“A groundhog bit my bike tire and made it flat.”

“I tried a new way in to work and it took me two hours."

“My driveway washed away in the rain last night.”

“I wasn't late. I just failed to be on time.”

“I’m going to be late today and every day from here on. I just got a letter saying that I may have won 20 million dollars.”

“I was to busy sleeping to be on time.”

“A gurney fell out of an ambulance and delayed traffic.”

“I had to show the new worker something.”

"I heard it was going to snow."

“I have transient amnesia and couldn't remember my job.”

"I forgot what day it was. I thought it was the weekend."

“My route to work was shut down by a Presidential motorcade.”

“I accidentally threw away my jewelry that was in a zip lock bag away in the dumpster after I got back from vacation. I have to try and find it. I’ll try to be in later today.”

“I had to teach the temps on how to use the equipment.”

“The radio was broken in my car and I can't drive without music.”

“My left turn signal was out so I had to make all right turns to get to work.”

“I fell asleep in the shower.”

“My father didn't wake me up.”

“I was attacked by a raccoon and had to stop by the hospital to make sure it wasn't rabid.”

“I couldn't find my clothes.”

“There were three wasps in my bedroom so I hid under my bed for three hours until my Mom came back from work. I came as soon as I could though."

“I had to go to bingo.”

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