Euphemisms For Stupid PeopleA Euphemism is the substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh, or blunt. A euphemism is an agreeable word or expression substituted for one that is potentially offensive, often having to do with bodily functions, sex, or death; for example, rest room for toilet, lady of the evening for prostitute. The Nazis used euphemism in referring to their plan to murder the world's Jews as “the Final Solution.” Now it all makes sense why we need to use euphemisms when referring to people who appear to be stupid. Here’s a great list to use when painting a picture of someone who is not measuring up. That wasn’t a euphemism…was it? This video reveals the person these euphemisms are referring to. Jay Leno Interviews These People 24 cents short of a quarter 500 sheets short of a ream A beer short of a six pack A brick short of a load A couple of eggs shy of a dozen A couple of gallons short of a full tank A few ants short of a picnic A few beers short of a six-pack A few bobs short of a pound A few bricks short of a pile A few bricks short of a wall A few cards short of a deck A few cents short of a dollar A few clowns short of a circus A few coals short of a barbecue A few feathers short of a whole duck A few floors short of the Penthouse A few fries short of a Happy Meal A few genes short of a human A few holes in his screen door A few hors d'oeuvres shy of a party A few pages shy of a short story A few papers shy of a news rack A few peas short of a casserole A few planets short of a federation A few sandwiches short of a picnic basket A few shelves missing from her library A few sheep short of an orgy A few tomatoes short of a good thick sauce A few trucks short of a convoy A few votes shy of a quorum A few watts shy of a night light A fortune cookie short of a Chinese dinner A pepperoni short of a pizza A photographic memory, but forgot to load the film A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on A queen shy of an ant hill A safe distance from genius A sandwich short of a picnic A Tonic-and-Bitters, hold the Tonic A train short of a full service About a quart low About as bright as a burnt out 20 watt light bulb About as deep as a saucer of milk About as deep as a thumb-tack About as sharp as a marble About as sharp as a thimble About as useful as a chocolate fireguard Ah say, that boy reminds me of Paul Revere's ride; a little light in the elfry An experiment in Artificial Stupidity All foam, no beer All his brain's marked "farm-fresh" An intellect rivaled only by garden tools Answers to "Moo" Antenna's pointing the wrong way As aware as a bear in winter As fast as a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter As keen as a vegetable As much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory As much use as a one legged man at an ass kicking contest As much use as a priests knob at an orgy As much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle As much use as Stevie Wonder at a beauty contest As quick as a tortoise on Prozac As quick as a stationary bicycle As smart as bait As useful as a hole in a boat As useful as a screen door on a submarine As useful as a wooden frying pan As useful as tits on a bull At least one Brady short of a Bunch Backstreet Boy in a Talking Heads world Big like ox, smart like tractor Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel Bright as Alaska in December Can’t remember where she lives Chimney's clogged Couldn't find a parking space in an empty lot Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel Doesn't have all his corn flakes in one box Doesn’t have both oars in the water Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash Doesn't have all the dots on his dice Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair Donated his body to science before he was done using it Driving without keys Duh! on parade Dumb as a corn cob Dumb as a stump Dumber than a bag of hammers Dumber than a bag of rocks Dumber than a box of hair Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor Fell out of the family tree Flunked nursery school Forgot to pay his brain bill Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming Gets lost at home Gets lost counting on her fingers Goes surfing in Nebraska Golf bag doesn’t have a full set of irons Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching Gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than a normal ignoramus Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt Has delusions of adequacy Has two brains, one's lost and the other is out looking for it Has a vacancy at the Grey Matter Motel Having an intelligence rivalled only by garden tools He doesn't have all the chairs around the table He donated his brain to science. Science sent it back He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down He had a little too much chlorine in his gene pool He had all his bricks, just forgot to pull the permit He is so dumb, he would look for a wishbone in a soft-boiled egg He is so dumb, the only thing he ever read was an eye-chart He only has one oar in the water He played too much without a helmet He plays hockey with a warped puck He rode the short bus to school He'd forget to drown He's a T-1 line of pure stupid He's firing on all six neurons He’s got a mind like a steel trap, rusted shut He's got a leak in his think-tank He's got a mind like a steel sieve He's got his feet firmly planted 3 feet above the ground He's not the brightest crayon in the box He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer He's so dense light bends around him He's so dumb he couldn't pour the water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel Her sewing machine's out of thread Her shoelaces are tied together Her slinky's kinked His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels His belt doesn't go through all the loops His book's missing a few pages His bread ain't done His car has left the highway His cheese has slipped off his cracker His dog keeps him on a short leash His forehead's a beginner's slope His IQ is almost in double digits His picture's in the dictionary next to "dumb" His porch light ain't on His train's missing an engineer His yeast went bad I say, that boy is about as sharp as a sack of wet mice I wish I had a blueprint for his brain; I'm trying to build an idiot If brains were chocolate - he wouldn't have enough to fill an M&M If brains were dynamite - he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose If brains were dynamite, he wouldn’t have enough to blow his hat off If brains were gasoline, he couldn't ride a moped around a fruit loop If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate If he had a brain, he'd be dangerous If he had another brain, it would be lonely If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week If her brain were a car, you'd beat it walking If stupid were a talent, he would be considered gifted If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change back If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change If you stand close enough to 'em you can hear the ocean If you stand close enough to him you can hear the ocean In a roomful of chimps he'd be the last to escape Is bilingual: English and grunting Isn’t firing on all 6 cylinders Isn’t firing on all thrusters Its hard to believe that he beat out half a billion other sperm Just a couple molecules shy of his first brain cell Kangaroo loose in the top paddock Keeps her brain in mint condition Last night was warmer than her IQ Missing a few buttons on his remote control Missing a few tracks on his CD Like a pair of children’s scissors, bright and colorful, but not too sharp Microscopes still search for her brain Million dollar body and a 2 dollar engine Mind is in neutral, body is in gear Mind like a rubber bear trap Missing a few keys from the keyboard Missing a few links in the chain Missing the hamburger from the Hamburger Helper More confused than traffic in Hong Kong More vegetable than protein Needing a few screws tightened Needs a "Restart" button No grain in the silo Not enough film in the camera Not enough fuel in his pilot light Not enough runway for takeoff Not firing with all spark plugs Not running on all cylinders Not the brightest light in the harbor Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree Not the brightest star in the sky Not the cleanest toilet in the bathroom Not the fastest horse in the race Not the funniest clown in the circus Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box Not the sharpest pencil in the box Not the sharpest tack in the box Not the sharpest tool in the shed Not wired to code Off his rocker On days off, he laughs at jokes told at work On/off switch is broken in the off position One accordion short of a polka band One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl One Gilligan short of an island One neuron short of a synapse One pickle short of a barrel One step short of a flight (of stairs) One taco short of a combination plate One tit short of an udder One turbine short of an airplane One twist short of a slinky One vote short of an overall majority One wheel short of a unicycle One wheel's in the sand Plug him in and nothing happens Prime candidate for natural deselection Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse Put him on a football field and he grazes Receiver is off the hook Requires directions to lay sod Room temperature IQ Routinely outsmarted by cheese Running about a quart low Running on empty Scientists use his head as a perfect vacuum Sets the lowest possible goals, and consistently fails to achieve them Several nuts short of a full pouch Sharp as a bowling ball Sharp as a donut She is so dumb, she couldn’t tell which way an elevator was going if she had two guesses She is so dumb, when I asked her to pass the plate, she said: “Upper or lower” She might drown in a puddle She'd trade up, but can't get anything for her old brain She's missing a battery in her flashlight She’s missing a few clubs from her golf bag She's not tied too tight to the pier She's like a clock that's right twice a day Skylight leaks a little Slinky's kinked So dense, light bends around him Some drink from the fountain of knowledge but he just gargled Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled Somewhere a village is missing its idiot Spits out his gum before walking Standing close to her, you can hear the ocean Still cutting with rounded scissors Strong like bear, smart like tractor Surfing in Nebraska T minus dumb and counting Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes Tends to scratch his armpits and eat bananas The butter has slipped off his pancake The cheese slid off his cracker The elevator is stuck between floors The lights are flashing, the gate is down, but the train isn’t coming The lights are on, but nobody is home The starting gate is open, but he's still asking directions The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead There's nothing in the attic but cobwebs Thinks Jar-Jar Binks is a genius Three experts short of an antitrust suit Three-time Darwin Award winner Too dumb to pull his head in before he shuts the window Too many brownouts in her power grid Too many yards between the goal posts Too much yardage between the goal posts Twelve shy of a dozen Two hub caps short of a Buick Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear Was left on the tilt-a-whirl too long as a baby When he writes his name, his lips move When she sneezes, her head collapses When the ear doc looks in his ear, he sees the far wall When your I.Q. rises to 28, sell Would be out of her depth in a mud puddle You can’t call him an idiot, you’ll insult all the idiots in the world You have splinters in the Windmills of Your Mind Your words echo out of his ears Your’re the flower of my life (you blooming idiot) Return from Euphemisms For Stupid People to Funny Euphemisms
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