Euphemisms For Stupid People

A Euphemism is the substitution of a mild, indirect, or vague expression for one thought to be offensive, harsh, or blunt.
The expression so substituted: “To pass away” is a euphemism for “to die.”

Euphemisms are perfect for our human nature. Most everyone I know dislikes conflict, so these word substitutes allow the person to make his point without anyone getting bent out of shape.

A euphemism is an agreeable word or expression substituted for one that is potentially offensive, often having to do with bodily functions, sex, or death; for example, rest room for toilet, lady of the evening for prostitute.

The Nazis used euphemism in referring to their plan to murder the world's Jews as “the Final Solution.”

Now it all makes sense why we need to use euphemisms when referring to people who appear to be stupid. Here’s a great list to use when painting a picture of someone who is not measuring up. That wasn’t a euphemism…was it?

This video reveals the person these euphemisms are referring to.

Jay Leno Interviews These People

24 cents short of a quarter

500 sheets short of a ream

A beer short of a six pack

A brick short of a load

A couple of eggs shy of a dozen

A couple of gallons short of a full tank

A few ants short of a picnic

A few beers short of a six-pack

A few bobs short of a pound

A few bricks short of a pile

A few bricks short of a wall

A few cards short of a deck

A few cents short of a dollar

A few clowns short of a circus

A few coals short of a barbecue

A few feathers short of a whole duck

A few floors short of the Penthouse

A few fries short of a Happy Meal

A few genes short of a human

A few holes in his screen door

A few hors d'oeuvres shy of a party

A few pages shy of a short story

A few papers shy of a news rack

A few peas short of a casserole

A few planets short of a federation

A few sandwiches short of a picnic basket

A few shelves missing from her library

A few sheep short of an orgy

A few tomatoes short of a good thick sauce

A few trucks short of a convoy

A few votes shy of a quorum

A few watts shy of a night light

A fortune cookie short of a Chinese dinner

A pepperoni short of a pizza

A photographic memory, but forgot to load the film

A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on

A queen shy of an ant hill

A safe distance from genius

A sandwich short of a picnic

A Tonic-and-Bitters, hold the Tonic

A train short of a full service

About a quart low

About as bright as a burnt out 20 watt light bulb

About as deep as a saucer of milk

About as deep as a thumb-tack

About as sharp as a marble

About as sharp as a thimble

About as useful as a chocolate fireguard

Ah say, that boy reminds me of Paul Revere's ride; a little light in the elfry

An experiment in Artificial Stupidity

All foam, no beer

All his brain's marked "farm-fresh"

An intellect rivaled only by garden tools

Answers to "Moo"

Antenna's pointing the wrong way

As aware as a bear in winter

As fast as a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter

As keen as a vegetable

As much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory

As much use as a one legged man at an ass kicking contest

As much use as a priests knob at an orgy

As much use as an ashtray on a motorcycle

As much use as Stevie Wonder at a beauty contest

As quick as a tortoise on Prozac

As quick as a stationary bicycle

As smart as bait

As useful as a hole in a boat

As useful as a screen door on a submarine

As useful as a wooden frying pan

As useful as tits on a bull

At least one Brady short of a Bunch

Backstreet Boy in a Talking Heads world

Big like ox, smart like tractor

Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel

Bright as Alaska in December

Can’t remember where she lives

Chimney's clogged

Couldn't find a parking space in an empty lot

Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel

Doesn't have all his corn flakes in one box

Doesn’t have both oars in the water

Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash

Doesn't have all the dots on his dice

Doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair

Donated his body to science before he was done using it

Driving without keys

Duh! on parade

Dumb as a corn cob

Dumb as a stump

Dumber than a bag of hammers

Dumber than a bag of rocks

Dumber than a box of hair

Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor

Fell out of the family tree

Flunked nursery school

Forgot to pay his brain bill

Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming

Gets lost at home

Gets lost counting on her fingers

Goes surfing in Nebraska

Golf bag doesn’t have a full set of irons

Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together

Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn’t watching

Gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than a normal ignoramus

Has an IQ of 2, but it takes 3 to grunt

Has delusions of adequacy

Has two brains, one's lost and the other is out looking for it

Has a vacancy at the Grey Matter Motel

Having an intelligence rivalled only by garden tools

He doesn't have all the chairs around the table

He donated his brain to science. Science sent it back

He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down

He had a little too much chlorine in his gene pool

He had all his bricks, just forgot to pull the permit

He is so dumb, he would look for a wishbone in a soft-boiled egg

He is so dumb, the only thing he ever read was an eye-chart

He only has one oar in the water

He played too much without a helmet

He plays hockey with a warped puck

He rode the short bus to school

He'd forget to drown

He's a T-1 line of pure stupid

He's firing on all six neurons

He’s got a mind like a steel trap, rusted shut

He's got a leak in his think-tank

He's got a mind like a steel sieve

He's got his feet firmly planted 3 feet above the ground

He's not the brightest crayon in the box

He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer

He's so dense light bends around him

He's so dumb he couldn't pour the water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel

Her sewing machine's out of thread

Her shoelaces are tied together

Her slinky's kinked

His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels

His belt doesn't go through all the loops

His book's missing a few pages

His bread ain't done

His car has left the highway

His cheese has slipped off his cracker

His dog keeps him on a short leash

His forehead's a beginner's slope

His IQ is almost in double digits

His picture's in the dictionary next to "dumb"

His porch light ain't on

His train's missing an engineer

His yeast went bad

I say, that boy is about as sharp as a sack of wet mice

I wish I had a blueprint for his brain; I'm trying to build an idiot

If brains were chocolate - he wouldn't have enough to fill an M&M

If brains were dynamite - he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose

If brains were dynamite, he wouldn’t have enough to blow his hat off

If brains were gasoline, he couldn't ride a moped around a fruit loop

If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate

If he had a brain, he'd be dangerous

If he had another brain, it would be lonely

If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week

If her brain were a car, you'd beat it walking

If stupid were a talent, he would be considered gifted

If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change back

If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you’d get change

If you stand close enough to 'em you can hear the ocean

If you stand close enough to him you can hear the ocean

In a roomful of chimps he'd be the last to escape

Is bilingual: English and grunting

Isn’t firing on all 6 cylinders

Isn’t firing on all thrusters

Its hard to believe that he beat out half a billion other sperm

Just a couple molecules shy of his first brain cell

Kangaroo loose in the top paddock

Keeps her brain in mint condition

Last night was warmer than her IQ

Missing a few buttons on his remote control

Missing a few tracks on his CD

Like a pair of children’s scissors, bright and colorful, but not too sharp

Microscopes still search for her brain

Million dollar body and a 2 dollar engine

Mind is in neutral, body is in gear

Mind like a rubber bear trap

Missing a few keys from the keyboard

Missing a few links in the chain

Missing the hamburger from the Hamburger Helper

More confused than traffic in Hong Kong

More vegetable than protein

Needing a few screws tightened

Needs a "Restart" button

No grain in the silo

Not enough film in the camera

Not enough fuel in his pilot light

Not enough runway for takeoff

Not firing with all spark plugs

Not running on all cylinders

Not the brightest light in the harbor

Not the brightest light on the Christmas tree

Not the brightest star in the sky

Not the cleanest toilet in the bathroom

Not the fastest horse in the race

Not the funniest clown in the circus

Not the sharpest hook in the tackle box

Not the sharpest pencil in the box

Not the sharpest tack in the box

Not the sharpest tool in the shed

Not wired to code

Off his rocker

On days off, he laughs at jokes told at work

On/off switch is broken in the off position

One accordion short of a polka band

One-celled organisms out score him in IQ tests

One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl

One Gilligan short of an island

One neuron short of a synapse

One pickle short of a barrel

One step short of a flight (of stairs)

One taco short of a combination plate

One tit short of an udder

One turbine short of an airplane

One twist short of a slinky

One vote short of an overall majority

One wheel short of a unicycle

One wheel's in the sand

Plug him in and nothing happens

Prime candidate for natural deselection

Proof that evolution CAN go in reverse

Put him on a football field and he grazes

Receiver is off the hook

Requires directions to lay sod

Room temperature IQ

Routinely outsmarted by cheese

Running about a quart low

Running on empty

Scientists use his head as a perfect vacuum

Sets the lowest possible goals, and consistently fails to achieve them

Several nuts short of a full pouch

Sharp as a bowling ball

Sharp as a donut

She is so dumb, she couldn’t tell which way an elevator was going if she had two guesses

She is so dumb, when I asked her to pass the plate, she said: “Upper or lower”

She might drown in a puddle

She'd trade up, but can't get anything for her old brain

She's missing a battery in her flashlight

She’s missing a few clubs from her golf bag

She's not tied too tight to the pier

She's like a clock that's right twice a day

Skylight leaks a little

Slinky's kinked

So dense, light bends around him

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge but he just gargled

Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he only gargled

Somewhere a village is missing its idiot

Spits out his gum before walking

Standing close to her, you can hear the ocean

Still cutting with rounded scissors

Strong like bear, smart like tractor

Surfing in Nebraska

T minus dumb and counting

Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes

Tends to scratch his armpits and eat bananas

The butter has slipped off his pancake

The cheese slid off his cracker

The elevator is stuck between floors

The lights are flashing, the gate is down, but the train isn’t coming

The lights are on, but nobody is home

The starting gate is open, but he's still asking directions

The wheel is turning but the hamster is dead

The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead

There's nothing in the attic but cobwebs

Thinks Jar-Jar Binks is a genius

Three experts short of an antitrust suit

Three-time Darwin Award winner

Too dumb to pull his head in before he shuts the window

Too many brownouts in her power grid

Too many yards between the goal posts

Too much yardage between the goal posts

Twelve shy of a dozen

Two hub caps short of a Buick

Warning: Objects in mirror are dumber than they appear

Was left on the tilt-a-whirl too long as a baby

When he writes his name, his lips move

When she sneezes, her head collapses

When the ear doc looks in his ear, he sees the far wall

When your I.Q. rises to 28, sell

Would be out of her depth in a mud puddle

You can’t call him an idiot, you’ll insult all the idiots in the world

You have splinters in the Windmills of Your Mind

Your words echo out of his ears

Your’re the flower of my life (you blooming idiot)

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