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Dave's Funny World, Issue #003, November 2010 "Being Thankful"
November 15, 2010

Dave's Funny World-Issue 3
November 2010



"Being Thankful"


Welcome to the November and Thanksgiving Edition of "Dave's Funny World". Here's Thanksgiving with a few special moments.

My goal has always been to create laughs and help people be funny. Statistics state that we average laughing 14 times a day.

Are you getting your daily quota under your belt. I hope so. I'm hoping that some of your laughs are coming from you-can-be-funny.com

Please continue sharing the website with friends and encourage them to receive our monthly newsletter. Subscribers will get several sneak peeks of material on the planning table and some surprises too.






Funny Material For Any Audience


The website, newsletter and material being developed is aimed at helping anyone in their pursuit of being funny. People seem to laugh the hardest when their eyes and ears are fed together.

From the very beginning, you-can-be-funny.com set as its goal to house the largest supply of funny material under one roof. Anybody who had to entertain any group could put together a routine from this site.

I'm developing some products that will enable anyone to host a party, meeting, ceremony, etc. and offer entertainment without costing hundreds or thousands of dollars.

You, the readers, will get your hands on these first. I will probably need your feedback before they hit the marketplace. More to come on this endeavor later.




Table Of Contents


What's Brand New?

Thanksgiving Pictures

Thanksgiving Jokes

The World Clock

"Being Thankful" Videos

Newspaper Map

Thanksgiving Trivia

Thanksgiving Poems

Thanksgiving Cartoons

New Doormat Possibly?

I Am Thankful






What's Brand New?


The Comedy Program, "Laugh With Dave" is alive and well. However, I had to press the pause button for a little while.

After a bout with the flu, a virus and another health issue requiring some testing, I figured out I needed to slow down a bit. Get the energy back then continue with the program.

I hope to be able to schedule the event in the early part of 2011. Stay in touch. I want you on the front row when the hilarity launches!






Some Funny Thanksgiving Pictures

Where Oh where did that turkey get to?



"Nice to finally meet you Mr. President. By the way, thanks for the pardon!"



"Happy Thanksgiving, as we get this holiday rolling."



"I know it's hard to believe, but it's all about me. I am a Celebrity."



"Hey everyone, I decided to bring over my little butterball."






Thanksgiving Jokes


A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one fresh enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Don't you have fresh turkeys?" The stock boy answered, "But they are all dead. Now how can I make them take a bath?"
_______________

How can you tell a male turkey from a female turkey?

The male is the one holding the remote control.
_______________

It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to replicate the tradition, she prepared a turkey dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went.

"Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!" said the daughter.

"Why... did it taste funny?" her mother asked.

"I don't know," the blonde said. "It wouldn't sit still!"
_______________

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man begins pounding on the front door.

"Please let me in," the man pleads desperately. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one."

"Okay," 'says the butcher. "Let me see what I have left." He goes into the freezer and discovers there's one last scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man.

"That one's too skinny. What else you got?" says the man.

The butcher takes the bird back into the freezer, waits a few minutes and then brings the same turkey back out to the man.

"Oh, no," says the man. "That one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them!"
_______________

Jolene was only eight years old and lived way out in the country with her parents who rarely entertained any visitors. One day Jolene's mother said that her father was bringing two guests home for Thanksgiving supper.

After they had enjoyed the turkey, Jolene went to the kitchen to help her mother. She proudly brought out the first piece of pumpkin pie and gave it to her father, who then passed the plate to a guest.

When Jolene came out with the second piece and gave it to her father, he again gave it to a guest. This was too much for the little girl. "It's no use, Daddy," she cried. "The pieces are all the same size."
_______________

For many more jokes, head over to: Thanksgiving Jokes






Here's a World Clock you need to see. You've probably never seen a data machine like this.

The link to the clock is:
The World Clock






Being Thankful Videos


Follow this link to the videos.

Being Thankful Videos

For more Thanksgiving Videos visit You-Can-Be-Funny's:

Thanksgiving Videos








Newspaper Map

This newspaper map allows you to read the newspaper that your mouse is hovering over. It's pretty neat.

Follow this link and try it for yourself:

Newspaper Map




Thanksgiving Trivia


Most families have a member who knows more, has done more and thinks he has more than everybody else. Run these questions by that person on Thanksgiving Day and bring him down a few notches.

By the 19th century , celebrating Thanksgiving is said to have been the origin of what table tradition?

The kiddy table.
_______________

Did the Pilgrims take beer with them on their crossing?

Yes, John Alden was a cooper who made barrels.
_______________

Did the Pilgrims actually wear those funny buckles and hats?

No, however, no one knows how this look originated.
_______________

How can a turkey drown when it's raining?

By looking up.
_______________

How many Pilgrim women are believed to have survived to celebrate the first Thanksgiving?

Only 5 survived and they all cooked the meat.
_______________

Is Thanksgiving a religious celebration?

No, it is a harvest celebration not associated with any religion.
_______________

There's alot more questions to test your knowledge of Thanksgiving. Be sure and visit:

Thanksgiving Trivia






Thanksgiving Poems

Maybe you'll find yourself in a more serious mood on Thanksgiving Day. You may want to have some of these in your pocket.

A Turkey Speaks

I have never understood

why anyone would

roast the turkey

and shuck the clams

and crisp the croutons

and shell the peas

and candy the sweets

and compote the cranberries

and bake the pies

and clear the table

and wash the dishes

and fall into bed

when they could sit back

and enjoy a hamburger.
_______________

No Turkey

My father hates Thanksgiving.

It's all about the stuffing.

He says it smells like day-old socks.

So on his plate goes nothing.

He grits his teeth and goes to bed.

It gives my mother grief.

I think next year, this holiday,

instead we'll eat roast beef!
_______________

Reprieve

By Jane-Ann Heitmueller

While sauntering down an oak filled lane one bright, crisp autumn day,

I sensed a quiet, hidden gaze directed in my way.

With searching eyes I scanned the limbs to find the Peeping Tom,

And sure enough, though well concealed, the turkey sat so calm.


Apparently, 'twas in his heart approaching Turkey Day,

So he was hidden with the hope to be nobody's prey.

I couldn't help but sympathize, as I went strolling by,

And know I too would be in fear thinking I soon might die!


Striking a pose of nonchalance, my pace, I kept it steady,

Deciding this Thanksgiving Day.

My meal would be spaghetti.
_______________

More poems can be found at:

Funny Thanksgiving Poems






Thanksgiving Cartoons



You can see the full set by going to:

Thanksgiving Cartoons


























New Doormat Possibly?


Here comes the herd very soon to enjoy the best Thanksgiving Meal they've ever experienced.

Consider canning the predictable "Welcome Mat" and go with one of these more contemporary ones.
















I Am Thankful


For the wife

Who says it's hot dogs tonight

Because she is home with me

And not out with someone else.


For the husband

Who is on the sofa

Being a couch potato

Because he is home with me

And not out at the bars.


For the teenager

Who is complaining about doing dishes

Because it means she is at home,

Not on the streets.


For the taxes I pay

Because it means

I am employed.


For the mess to clean after a party

Because it means I have

Been surrounded by friends


For the clothes that fit a little too snug

Because it means

I have enough to eat.


For my shadow that watches me work

Because it means

I am out in the sunshine.


For a lawn that needs mowing,

Windows that need cleaning,

And gutters that need fixing

Because it means I have a home.


For all the complaining

I hear about the government

Because it means

We have freedom of speech.


For the parking spot

I find at the far end of the parking lot

Because it means

I am capable of walking,

And I have been blessed with transportation.


For my huge heating bill

Because it means

I am warm.


For the lady behind me in church

Who sings off key

Because it means I can hear.


For the pile of laundry and ironing

Because it means

I have clothes to wear.


For weariness and aching muscles

At the end of the day

Because it means I have been

Capable of working.


For the alarm that goes off

In the early morning hours

Because it means

I am alive.


And finally, for too much e-mail

Because it means

I have friends who are thinking of me.






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Until the December newsletter...

YOU can be funny!

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

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