Date Excuses

Date Excuses is a great resource to help you get out of any unwanted date, gracefully, almost always smelling like a rose.

If you do not want to do something, almost any excuse will get the job done.

These excuses are time tested and work like a charm.

The reasons are believable, almost.

Alf comes on soon.

Ally Mcbeal is on.

Having fun gives me prickly heat.

I can't, I need to take my computer apart and put it back together.

I can't, I was asked to go to another party w/o you.

I caught a rare deadly African disease that's highly contagious.

I changed the lock on my door and now I can't get out.

I did my own thing and now I've got to undo it.

I don't date outside my species.

I don't date goats!

I don't have time to go on a date...with YOU!

I don't like people.

I don't like you.

I don't want to leave my comfort zone.

I don't want to miss Martha Stewart's premiere.

I don't want to ruin our friendship.

I feel a song coming on.

I had to rob your house.

I have a phobia of people named (insert name here).

I have family in town.

I have plans to clean the cracks in my floor.

I have some real hard words to look up in the dictionary.

I have to alphabetize my CDs.

I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters.

I have to ash/condition/perm/curl/tease my hair.

I have to be on the next train to Bermuda.

I have to bleach my hair.

I have to brush my dog's teeth.

I have to brush my teeth.

I have to check the freshness dates on my dairy products.

I have to clean my toilet.

I have to draw "Cubby" for an art scholarship.

I have to floss my cat.

I have to fluff my shower cap.

I have to fulfill my potential.

I have to go for my full body wax appointment .

I have to go...........over..............there.

I have to go shopping for my mother.

I have to go to a surprise party for my grandma's birthday.

I have to go to court for kitty littering.

I have to go to the dentist.

I have to go to the post office to see if I'm still wanted.

I have to hide the bodies.

I have to jog my memory.

I have to knit some dust bunnies for a charity bazaar.

I have to make an air sandwich.

I have to milk my cow.

I have to read the labels on all of my food.

I have to rotate my crops.

I have to sit up with a sick ant.

I have to stay home and give my goldfish a bath.

I have to stay home and see if I snore.

I have to study for a blood test.

I have to take down the Christmas lights.

I have to take out the trash.

I have to teach my frog how to croak.

I have to teach my pig to sing.

I have to thaw some karate chops for dinner.

I have to wash my hair.

I have to try out for the ice skating team at school.

I have to watch Oprah.

I have to wax the driveway.

I have too much guilt.

I just found out we're related.

I just got back together with my ex.

I just got sick (right after you asked me out).

I just picked up a book called "Glue in Many Lands" and I can't put it down.

I just washed my hair.

I left my body in my other clothes.

I left my tolerance in another coat.

I like you, but my friends said I can't go out with you.

I like your best friend.

I made an appointment with a cuticle specialist.

I might see someone who knows me.

I must go in search of my charms which were stolen by an angry leprechaun.

I need to clean the air in my room.

I need to clip my nose hairs.

I need to spend quality time with my weed whacker .

I never go out on days that end in "Y."

I never said I'd go out with you, that was my evil twin.

I prefer to remain an enigma.

I promised my mum I'd bathe the hamster.

I promised to help a friend fold road maps.

I think you want the OTHER [your name].

I told my car I would tenderly rub wax into it's body.

I tripped over an ant and broke my leg.

I want to spend more time with my blender.

I would, but it would be a complete waste of make-up.

I would go out with you but my waiting list is full.

I'll be looking for a parking space.

I'm attending a perfume convention as guest sniffer.

I'm attending the opening of my garage door.

I'm being deported.

I'm building a pig from a kit.

I'm busy cleaning the blood off my axe.

I'm complicated to go out with.

I'm converting my calendar watch from Julian to Gregorian.

I'm enrolled in aerobic scream therapy.

I'm doing door-to-door collecting for static cling.

I'm engaged.

I'm gay.

I'm getting married tonight.

I'm getting my overalls overhauled.

I'm giving nuisance lessons at a convenience store.

I'm going down to the bakery to watch the buns rise.

I'm going through cherry cheesecake withdrawal.

I'm going to be playing with my mental blocks.

I'm going to be old someday.

I'm going to count the bristles in my toothbrush.

I'm going to the Missing Persons Bureau to see if anyone is looking for me.

I'm going to the moon.

I'm having all my plants neutered.

I'm having my baby shoes bronzed.

I'm in training to be a household pest.

I'm making a home movie called "The Thing That Grew in My Refrigerator."

I'm not into dating right now.

I'm observing National Apathy Week.

I'm planning to go downtown to try on gloves.

I'm reading with my widower .

I'm running off to Yugoslavia with a foreign-exchange student named Basil Metabolism.

I'm sandblasting my oven.

I'm shaving my dog.

I'm sick.

I'm sorry, I have to rotate the strings on all of my shoes.

I'm staying home to work on my cottage cheese sculpture.

I'm taking punk totem pole carving.

I'm teaching my dog to meow.

I'm teaching my ferret to yodel.

I'm teaching my goldfish how to play the electric guitar.

I'm too busy watching the paint dry.

I'm too old/young for that stuff.

I'm touring China with a wok band.

I'm trying to be less popular.

I'm trying to cut down.

I'm trying to see how long I can go without saying yes.

I'm uncomfortable when I'm alone or with others.

I'm up to my elbows in waxy buildup.

I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner.

I'm washing the sofa.

I'm worried about my vertical hold.

I'm writing a love letter to Richard Simmons.

It wouldn't be fair to the other Beautiful People.

It's against my religion to date people named (insert relevant name)

It’s my goldfish's birthday.

It's my parakeet's bowling night.

It's that time of the month again.

It's too close to the turn of the century.

I've been scheduled for a karma transplant.

I've been traded to Cincinnati.

I've come down with a really horrible case of something or other.

I've dedicated my life to linguini.

I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting.

I've had a better offer, some bloke is coming round to set fire to my head.

My asthma is acting up again.

My bathroom tiles need grouting.

My brother's sister's mum's son's dad died.

My butt is too big in this dress.

My chocolate-appreciation class meets that night.

My crayons all melted together.

My dad said I can't date till I am married.

My dog is too tired.

My dog had baby kittens.

My Dress For Obscurity class meets then.

My father's grandmother's aunt's mother died.

My favorite commercial is on TV.

My gerbil is getting married.

My goat broke a horn.

My grandma is on fire.

My hamster is having a heart transplant and I need to stay for moral support.

My Millard Fillmore Fan Club meets then.

My mother would never let me hear the end of it.

My palm reader advised against it.

My patent is pending.

My pet snake is constipated again.

My plot to take over the world is thickening.

My subconscious says no.

My uncle escaped again.

My water wings are flat.

My yucca plant is feeling yucky.


None of my socks match.

On my list of things to do, seeing you is at the bottom.

People are blaming me for the Spanish-American War.

Pinocchio is on tonight.

Sorry I think I'm gay.

Sorry, when you came to my door I mistook you for a Mormon and took cover.

That would interfere with my time to wait for the government to take me away.

That's the night I reorganize my rock collection.

The grunion are running.

The last time I went out, I never came back.

The man on television told me to stay tuned.

The monsters haven't turned blue yet, and I have to eat more dots.

The President said he might drop in.

The "Rocky" marathon is on that night.

There are important world issues that need worrying about.

There's a disturbance in the Force.

There's a four hour TV special on trimming shrubbery.

Uh, I have stuff to do.

You are extremely unattractive. Sorry, someone had to tell you.

You know how we psychos are.

You're ugly, I'm busy, have a nice day .

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