Bassoon Jokes

Bassoon Jokes describe the bassoon player in several ways.

This instrument falls into the category of being one of the most difficult to control and master.

Bassoonists are the only musician that have to deal with mud slinging words like babboon and buffoon in their art.

To make matters worse, the instrument carries the designation of faggott.

That should help make it easier to role through your day as a bassoonist.




A bassoon solo is like a sneeze.

You know it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.
_______________

How are bassoons related to lawsuits?

Everyone cheers when the case is closed.
_______________

How can you tell a bassoonist has perfect pitch?

He can throw his bassoon set into a pond and not hit any ducks!
_______________

How do you get a bassoonist to play A flat?

Take the batteries out of his electric tuner.
_______________

How do you get a bassoonist to play softer?

You can’t.
_______________

How do you get a bassoonist to play staccato?

Put a whole note and write "solo" over it.
_______________

How do you get a bassoonist to talk louder?

Take away the whisper key.
_______________

How do you get two bassoons in tune?

Shoot one.
_______________

How do you join a community orchestra as a bassoon player?

Own a bassoon.
_______________

How do you make a bassoon in tune?

Change all the notes to sharps.
_______________

How do you make fun of a bassoon?

You play it.
_______________

How do you put down a saxophone?

Call it a bassoon.
_______________

How many bassoonists does it take to eat a possum?

Two. One to eat, one to watch for traffic.
_______________

How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.
_______________

How many contrabassoon players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five. One to hold the bulb and the other four to figure out the fingerings.
_______________

Knock Knock

Who's there!

Bassoon!

Bassoon who?

Bassoon things will be better!
_______________

Ten minutes before a big concert, the bassoon player swallows his reed. The conductor frantically calls the doctor. "Doctor, my bassoon player just swallowed his reed. What do I do?"

"Mute a trombone."
_______________

The definition of a gentleman:

A man who knows how to play the bassoon, but doesn't.
_______________

Two bassoons walk into a bar.

One says "Did you hear about the Brazilian soldiers killed today?"

"Jeez...that's TERRIBLE! Um...how many's in a brazillion?"
_______________

What are bassoons good for?

Kindling an accordion fire.
_______________

What are oboes good for?

Kindling when burning bassoons
_______________

What do you call a bassoonist that can play 3 notes?

Gifted.
_______________

What do you call a bassoonist with just one reed ?

A hopeless optimist.
_______________

What do you call 99 bassoons at the bottom of the sea?

A good start.
_______________

What does a bass clarinet and a clarinet have to do with a bassoon?

The bass clarinet is heavy and the clarinet is flat! Same as the bassoon.
_______________

What is better bassoon or oboe?

Bassoon, you can use it as a toilet plunger.
_______________

What is a burning oboe good for?

Setting a bassoon on fire.
_______________

What is the best beginner bassoon book?

None.
_______________

What is the definition of a half step?

Two bassoonists playing in unison.
_______________

What is the definition of a major second?

Two baroque bassoonists playing in unison.
_______________

What is the difference between a bassoon and a Chainsaw?

You can tune a Chainsaw.
_______________

What is the difference between a chain saw and a bassoon?

The chain saw has better dynamic contrast and expression.
_______________

What's another name for a bassoon?

A farting bedpost.
_______________

What’s the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
_______________

What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?

Bassoons are more fun to jump on.
_______________

What's the difference between a bassoon and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to plug in the vacuum cleaner before it sucks.
_______________

What's the difference between a bassoon and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop up a bassoon.
_______________

What's the difference between a bassoon solo and scraping your nails down the blackboard?

Vibrato.
_______________

What's the difference between a dead bassoonist on the road and a dead squirrel on the road?

There are skid marks in front of the squirrel.
_______________

What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad bassoonist?

A bad bassoonist can kill you.
_______________

What’s the range of a bassoon?

As far as you can throw it.
_______________

Which burns better, an oboe or a bassoon?

A bassoon; there's more wood!
_______________

Which is better, a bassoon or an oboe?

A Bassoon - it makes more toothpicks.
_______________

Why are there so few bassoon jokes?

None of the other instrumentalists are smart enough to think of any.
_______________

Why do Bassoonists never get AIDS?

Even virus' have standards.
_______________

Why do people chose bassoon?

So the complexity of the instrument confuses the people.
_______________

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get away from the bassoon recital.
_______________

Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?

The bassoon burns longer.
_______________







I'm adding new material each week as it crosses my desk. Subscribe to the RSS Feed and keep up on all the new stuff just after it uploads.

Consider subscribing to my monthly newsletter, "Dave's Funny World."

It will give subscribers a sneak peek of funny things with some surprises to boot.

To subscribe, please enter your information below. If you choose html format you will be able to enjoy some new videos. As always, if you have something to share, send it in. It may wind up center stage for all to see.



Enter your E-mail Address
Enter your First Name (optional)
Then

Don't worry — your e-mail address is totally secure.
I promise to use it only to send you Dave's Funny World.


Return from Bassoon Jokes to Musician Jokes

Have You Got a Great Joke You Would Like to Share with Us?

We all would love to hear your best joke. Share it with all of us. If you'd like, I'll put a page together featuring YOU and your best jokes. Folks can find their own personal pages on YOUR PAGES off the Home page.

[ ? ]

Upload 1-4 Pictures or Graphics (optional)[ ? ]

 

Click here to upload more images (optional)

Author Information (optional)

To receive credit as the author, enter your information below.

(first or full name)

(e.g., City, State, Country)

Submit Your Contribution

 submission guidelines.


(You can preview and edit on the next page)