Bassoon Jokes

Bassoon Jokes describe the bassoon player in several ways.

This instrument falls into the category of being one of the most difficult to control and master.

Bassoonists are the only musician that have to deal with mud slinging words like babboon and buffoon in their art.

To make matters worse, the instrument carries the designation of faggott.

That should help make it easier to role through your day as a bassoonist.

A bassoon solo is like a sneeze.

You know it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.

How are bassoons related to lawsuits?

Everyone cheers when the case is closed.

How can you tell a bassoonist has perfect pitch?

He can throw his bassoon set into a pond and not hit any ducks!

How do you get a bassoonist to play A flat?

Take the batteries out of his electric tuner.

How do you get a bassoonist to play softer?

You can’t.

How do you get a bassoonist to play staccato?

Put a whole note and write "solo" over it.

How do you get a bassoonist to talk louder?

Take away the whisper key.

How do you get two bassoons in tune?

Shoot one.

How do you join a community orchestra as a bassoon player?

Own a bassoon.

How do you make a bassoon in tune?

Change all the notes to sharps.

How do you make fun of a bassoon?

You play it.

How do you put down a saxophone?

Call it a bassoon.

How many bassoonists does it take to eat a possum?

Two. One to eat, one to watch for traffic.

How many bassoonists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but they'll insist on going through about 5 bulbs before they find one that suits this particular room and situation.

How many contrabassoon players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five. One to hold the bulb and the other four to figure out the fingerings.

Knock Knock

Who's there!


Bassoon who?

Bassoon things will be better!

Ten minutes before a big concert, the bassoon player swallows his reed. The conductor frantically calls the doctor. "Doctor, my bassoon player just swallowed his reed. What do I do?"

"Mute a trombone."

The definition of a gentleman:

A man who knows how to play the bassoon, but doesn't.

Two bassoons walk into a bar.

One says "Did you hear about the Brazilian soldiers killed today?"

"Jeez...that's TERRIBLE! many's in a brazillion?"

What are bassoons good for?

Kindling an accordion fire.

What are oboes good for?

Kindling when burning bassoons

What do you call a bassoonist that can play 3 notes?


What do you call a bassoonist with just one reed ?

A hopeless optimist.

What do you call 99 bassoons at the bottom of the sea?

A good start.

What does a bass clarinet and a clarinet have to do with a bassoon?

The bass clarinet is heavy and the clarinet is flat! Same as the bassoon.

What is better bassoon or oboe?

Bassoon, you can use it as a toilet plunger.

What is a burning oboe good for?

Setting a bassoon on fire.

What is the best beginner bassoon book?


What is the definition of a half step?

Two bassoonists playing in unison.

What is the definition of a major second?

Two baroque bassoonists playing in unison.

What is the difference between a bassoon and a Chainsaw?

You can tune a Chainsaw.

What is the difference between a chain saw and a bassoon?

The chain saw has better dynamic contrast and expression.

What's another name for a bassoon?

A farting bedpost.

What’s the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline?

Bassoons are more fun to jump on.

What's the difference between a bassoon and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to plug in the vacuum cleaner before it sucks.

What's the difference between a bassoon and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop up a bassoon.

What's the difference between a bassoon solo and scraping your nails down the blackboard?


What's the difference between a dead bassoonist on the road and a dead squirrel on the road?

There are skid marks in front of the squirrel.

What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad bassoonist?

A bad bassoonist can kill you.

What’s the range of a bassoon?

As far as you can throw it.

Which burns better, an oboe or a bassoon?

A bassoon; there's more wood!

Which is better, a bassoon or an oboe?

A Bassoon - it makes more toothpicks.

Why are there so few bassoon jokes?

None of the other instrumentalists are smart enough to think of any.

Why do Bassoonists never get AIDS?

Even virus' have standards.

Why do people chose bassoon?

So the complexity of the instrument confuses the people.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get away from the bassoon recital.

Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?

The bassoon burns longer.

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